


Heart and Soul

by Writer_Geekgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sam Winchester Can't Catch a Break, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 16:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: In a universe where the British Men of Letters never came to America, Castiel and Sam Winchester turn to each other after Dean Winchester's death. They take a road trip to figure how to continue without Dean by their side.Unknown to them, Dean is alive after getting Amara and Chuck to reconcile. With his mother helping him, Dean tries to find Castiel and Sam before they do something stupid, like make a demon deal or something worse.Worse yet, Lucifer is in the wind. He can't be up to any good.





	1. Daybreak

Castiel and Sam entered the bunker and went down the staircase to the war room. Sam sunk into a chair and said in a tired voice, "I can't believe Dean's really gone, Cas. How can he be gone?" Rowena had infused Dean with thousands of souls as a bomb to destroy the Darkness before the sun was depleted. The sun had been restored, so the bomb must have been successful, and Dean died saving the world.

Castiel sighed deeply, sitting down next to Sam. "He sacrificed himself again for the world. I wish there had been any other way, Sam. I wish I had gone with him…"

Sam stared at Castiel. "What?"

Castiel responded simply, "I wanted to go with him. I offered to end with him. I wanted to end with him. But, he wanted me to take care of you."

Sam's eyes widened. "You loved him, didn't you?"

"He was my purpose, Sam. I can't explain what I feel in human words. My everything. Everything I've done over the last nine years has been for him." Castiel seemed to catch himself, "For you too. I'll always bleed for the Winchesters."

"It's ok, Cas. You don't need to put it into words. I know he loved you, even if he didn't admit it to you or anyone else." Sam put his hand on Castiel's shoulder, looking at him reassuringly.

"We shouldn't be talking about me, Sam. What about you? What can I do for you? What should we do?" Castiel looked concerned and self-conscious.

"We could find a liquor store and drink it?" Sam looked at the ground.

"You need to eat." Castiel stood up and scurried to the kitchen with forceful determination.

Sam continued sitting for a moment, then he let out a deep breath and stood up to follow Castiel. By the time, he arrived Castiel had already made a stack of five peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Sam reached out and put his hand on Castiel's. "Stop, Cas. That's plenty. You don't eat, and I don't eat that much."

"I need to do this for you…" Castiel looked down at the counter. He hid his face. Sam could see Castiel shudder and silent sobs wracked his frame. "I need to take care of you."

"Because Dean told you to take care of me?"

"I've always taken care of both of you. I took care of you after you kicked Gadreel out of your body. I stayed with you for weeks healing you both before and after we removed Gadreel's grace from you. I told Lucifer he would have to kill me before I let him harm you. I told Anna…"

Sam wrapped his arms around Castiel. "I know. You're my family, Cas. I don't know how we'll get through this without Dean. But we will. But we are going to take care of each other. Dean was our…" Sam floundered for the words.

Castiel said quietly, "Heart and soul. He was our heart and soul."

Castiel turned to face Sam. He buried his face into Sam's shoulder. They both cried until the worst of their individual storms subsided. Sam looked tired and his stomach growled. Castiel looked startled and turned to grab the plate and thrust the sandwiches at Sam. "Day 1, and I forget to feed you."

Sam gave a small, choked laugh. "I'm not your pet, Castiel."

"I know. I just… He told me…"

"Cas, we take care of each other. I realize that Dean gave you a new purpose, to take care of me. But we'll do it as brothers, Cas."

"Agreed."

Cas walked to the fridge and pulled out two beers, while Sam took a seat at the table with his sandwiches. Castiel handed one beer to Sam, and took the other for himself.

Sam looked at Castiel. "After I went to bed sometimes, I would hear you and Dean watching television and talking. What were you doing?"

"Dean, wanted me to watch specific movies with him. Movies he loved and would explain why he loved them to me. The last one we saw was Tombstone. You know, the one with guns and tuberculosis." Cas added a deep twang to his voice, "I'm your huckleberry. Dean actually liked saying that to me sometimes."

Sam let out a small choking noise. 

Castiel looked at him concerned, "Are you ok?"

"I am, Cas. Sorry, something just went down wrong."

"Does it bother you to talk about Dean? Should we change the subject?"

"No, Cas. It's helping. I want to talk about it. It helps to share the pain. Just so you know. Although Dean and I understood why you said yes to Lucifer possessing you, Dean insisted that we find another vessel for Lucifer before going into battle with Amara. He was hellbent on saving you from Lucifer, even after I told him that you made that choice." Sam smiled at Castiel softly.

"I don't know if releasing Lucifer was the right thing or not. We now have to deal with him loose in the wind."

Sam finished a second sandwich and pushed the plate away, "Not now, Cas. Right now, we take a moment to figure out what's what with the world. And for the record, I think you were right about needing Lucifer to fight Amara. I was too scared to do it, and Dean was too stubborn. It had to be you. You getting tortured by Amara shouldn't have been part of the equation. I'm sorry about that."

"Lucifer took the brunt of it. He actually shielded me as much as he could. I'm not sure why, but he really didn't torture me. Maybe, he didn't want to take the energy to fight me. I pushed back when he crossed a line, like when he tried to hurt you. We were burning through me and my vessel slowly, so any energy he would have put towards tormenting me would have sped up that process. I could not have contained Lucifer forever.” Castiel took another drink from his beer.

Neither of them spoke for a long time as they sat at the table. Sam finally stood up. "I guess I'll go try to sleep, Cas. I'm not sure I'll be able to, but I should try."

Castiel offered, "I could put you to sleep."

"No, I think I need to process things still." Sam paused after standing up. "Do you think there's any way to get him back?" He looked at Castiel, almost pleadingly.

"I'm afraid his soul was obliterated when the soul bomb was unleashed on the Darkness. If there was any way to get him back, I would do it, Sam. Without hesitation. No matter the cost to me. I would give anything to return your brother to you." Castiel's voice quivered slightly as he talked, the timbre of his voice slightly higher than it normally usually was.

Sam nodded slowly. "But we can still look?"

"To our dying day. I will always look for Dean; however, I don't think we should let it consume us, Sam. Dean wouldn't want that. He also told me not to let you do anything stupid; however, he never said I couldn't." Castiel smiled slightly.

Sam nodded and trudged heavily to his room. He paused next to Dean's door. He opened it and looked in for a minute. Everything was just as Dean left it, including a wadded-up t-shirt on the floor. Sam sighed and went into his room. He changed into sweatpants and got into bed. 

Sam tried to sleep, but all he could think of was Dean exploding or the way Dean said goodbye. He tossed and turned in his bed. About two hours later, he heard his door open and saw Castiel's silhouette in the doorway. 

Castiel softly said, "Sam, can I join you?"

Sam turned on the bedside light. Castiel's eyes were red-rimmed as if he had been crying. "Sure, Cas." Sam pulled back the covers. 

Castiel took of his trench coat, suit jacket, and shoes. He sat down on the bed, and laid on the very edge. "I heard you being restless and I…I'm not doing well by myself."

Sam pulled Castiel closer, and put his arms around him. "I'm here for you, Cas."

"It is me that should be comforting you. Not this way."

"We both lost the person we loved most in the world, Cas. All Dean and I ever had was Baby and each other. Then, you joined us. I just wish…" Sam paused.

Castiel replied, "I just wish I hadn't kept trying to fix Heaven when it was clear they neither needed nor appreciated my help. I wasted all that time that I could have been here with you and Dean. I have so many regrets, Sam." Tears trailed down Castiel's cheeks.

Sam wiped away the tears with his thumb. "For the record, I'm glad that you didn't go with Dean. I don't know how I'd make it through this without you. Last time I thought he was gone, I just jumped in the Impala and drove like a bat out of hell and wouldn't have stopped if I hadn't hit a dog."

"We can still do that, minus hitting the dog part. We could just run. I'm tired of trying to save the world. I'm tired of the sacrifices."

Sam considered it for a moment. "I think it might do both of us good to get away from the bunker. It's so…Dean now."

"I keep expecting him to pop in the door, or to hear rattling in the fridge as he gets another beer."

"Let's get some shuteye and we'll leave in the morning. We'll go west and see what is that way." Sam turned off the bedside light and closed his eyes.

After a few seconds, Castiel reached out and touched Sam's forehead to put him to sleep. Castiel stared at Sam's face as it relaxed. Sam looked years younger as he slept. The weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders. Castiel knew his new purpose was to take care of Sam. Dean had told him what to do, and Castiel would follow his last order. Castiel closed his eyes; he was still exhausted from being Lucifer's vessel. He drifted off asleep.

Sam woke up in the morning with an unfamiliar weight across him. In the night, somehow Castiel had fallen asleep with an arm and a leg across Sam. Sam closed his eyes, taking comfort from having Castiel there. Whenever Castiel touched him, he could feel his grace as a soothing force. After a few minutes, Sam realized he really need to make a trip to the bathroom. He tried gently to squirm out from under Castiel, but Castiel's eyes flew open the moment he moved.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I seem to have invaded your personal space," Castiel backed away so fast he almost fell off the bed, but Sam grabbed him. 

"It's cool, Cas. It helped." Sam took a deep sigh, as he got out of the bed. "Do you still want to get out of here and drive somewhere?"

"I agree with what you said last night. We should find a place to grieve where we don't expect to see him every few minutes. I'll go pack some supplies and food." Castiel grabbed his trench coat, jacket, and shoes and strode out of the room purposefully. 

Sam watched his disappearing back for a moment. He then gathered clothes and went to the bathroom to shower and change.

When Sam went into the war room about twenty minutes later, Castiel had two duffle bags packed. He had grabbed any food that was portable and put it in one back. The other bag contained their mostly commonly used lore books and various spell components. Castiel offered Sam a cup of coffee and toast.

"Thanks, Cas." Sam smiled slightly and ate breakfast quickly. He went to his room and grabbed his clothes, stuffing them into his duffle bag. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and pulled out two new burner phones. He programmed them with each other's number. He walked out and handed the phone to Cas. 

"Cas, I don't feel like talking to anyone for a while, so I thought we could take new phones and leave the others here for now. I just want us to be left alone."

Castiel hesitated, but then took out his phone and put it on the table. He popped out the Sim card to ensure that he wouldn't lose his pictures. "Okay, Sam." Sam put the phones in a cabinet.

Sam headed towards the Impala and Castiel followed him. Sam took the driver's seat and drove west.

\-------

Dean opened the bunker door and escorted Mary inside. He was tired because he hadn't slept in over forty-eight hours. First, they had tried to take on Amara in the warehouse. Then, he was turned into a bomb and faced her in a garden. He had talked Chuck and Amara into forgiving each other, but discovered that Amara had brought his mother back. He stayed up all night talking to his mother. Dean yawned widely.

Mary's eyes opened wide as she surveyed the war room. Mary exclaimed, "You live here?"

"Yeah, when we're not on the road. It's an old Men of Letters bunker." Dean smiled widely.

"Men of Letters? Yeah. They're a myth. An old Hunter's story."

Dean started down the stairs, "Not so much. New duds look good."

"Well, thanks. It's better than walking around in that nightgown the rest of my life. Thank you for getting them."

Dean looked around. Two empty cups of coffee and a plate with bread crumbs were on the table. "Geez, Sam doesn't usually leave such a mess. He's always on me about that."

He called out, "Sammy, where are you? Cas?"

Mary asked, "Who's Cas?"

Dean paused and turned to Mary. "That's a little hard to explain. Castiel is an angel. You know, wings, harp. He's my best friend. Our best friend. He helps me and Sam do a lot of what we do to try to make things better for people."

"Literally, an angel?"

Dean nodded, "Literally, an angel. I'll have to explain to you later how Cas and I met." Dean pulled out his phone and scrolled to a picture of Castiel and Sam standing together next to the Impala. "Sam and Cas."

Mary stared at the phone in amazement. "Sam is so tall. And he looks wonderful. And, Castiel, sort of looks like Colombo from the old tv series."

"I know, right? And he'll never get another outfit. He can just mojo the dirt away, so he's constantly in that frickin' trench coat. Even if it's 100 degrees outside, he'll still be in the trench coat. Wait here a minute, Mom, while I find them."

Mary walked around the war room in wonder. She then walked into the library and started staring at the volumes of books. She could recognize a few of the books; however, most of them sounded like they were fantasy books. She pulled one out on the physiology of angels.

Dean wandered back into the room. "I can't find them. Hold on a minute." Dean headed to the garage. He came back in the library a few minutes later. "The car is gone. I know they were here because those coffee cups weren't on the table when we left, and they forgot to put the jelly away in the kitchen. I'll try calling."

Dean tried Castiel's phone, but it went directly to voice mail. Dean said into the phone, "Hey, Cas. It's me. I'm alive. Call me."

Dean then tried Sam's number. He heard the ringing of the phone somewhere in the war room. He walked to the cabinet in the corner and pulled out Sam's phone. "Sonovabitch."

Mary looked startled. 

"Errr. Sorry, mom. For some reason, Cas and Sam left their phones here and didn't take them with them. I'm not sure what's going on." Dean hesitated before dialing another number.

Mary could hear a voice with an Scottish accent on the phone say, "Squirrel, you're alive?"

Dean said, "Yeah, it's a long story, Crowley. Did Sam and Cas say where they were going?"

"I assumed that Moose and Feathers were heading to the bunker. They both were understandably upset. What, with your apparent demise and all. Have you misplaced them?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at the phone, "Just wanted a lift back to the bunker and they aren't answering their phones. Maybe, they're asleep or something."

"Feathers doesn't sleep and he is always perched somewhere waiting for you to call him. I'm a bit busy or I'd come help you search for them. You know how it is when you are the King of Hell."

Dean snorted, "Actually, I don't. And I don't want to."

Mary let out a small gasp.

Dean hurried, "Talk to you later, Crowley. If you hear from either of them, I'd appreciate it if you tell me."

"Of course, Squirrel. Aren't I always helpful?"

Dean hung up the phone. "Sorry, Mom. Sam and I sometimes, well, we occasionally work with the King of Hell, Crowley. He's a douche bag, but he usually can be trusted to do what he says he'll do as long as you carefully look for any loop holes. Sometimes, we fight. Sometimes, we have mutual objectives and work together for a little while. I never completely trust him."

"Is he a demon?"

"Yeah, mom. I know this is all really confusing. Just let me figure out where Sam went, and I'll try to explain the whole messy thing to you."

Dean called Jody. "Hey Jody, have you happened to hear from Sam?"

Mary could hear a woman's voice over the phone, "No, Dean. Has anything happened?"

Dean took in a deep breath, "Sam thinks I'm dead. I sort of almost exploded, but I'm fine. He doesn't have his phone though."

"Did it have something to do with the whole weird sun thing that was happening yesterday?"

"Errr, yeah, Jody. We sort of fixed it. I was supposed to explode the Darkness that was causing it, but instead I just talked her out of destroying the universe and reconciling with her brother. Everything is good now, I promise. I am worried now that Sam is out there thinking that I'm dead and doing something crazy."

Jody paused a moment to process what Dean had said. She continued after a moment, "You haven't been the best role model for brother not doing crazy things. Is he alone?"

"Yeah, I know, Jody. Cas is with him, but I'm not sure if that makes things better or if they both will do something even crazier." Dean frowned at the phone. "Could you put out an APB for the Impala?"

"Of course, Dean. If I hear from him, I'll tell him you're okay."

"Thanks, Jody."

Dean turned to face Mary. "Okay, Mom. I'm giving you the very fast, condensed version of my and Sam's life. And, then, we need to look for Cas and Sam. Basically, the angels wanted to bring on the apocalypse. I was supposed to be Michael's vessel, and Sam was supposed to be Lucifer's. It has to do with bloodlines and crap. Azazel gave Sam demon blood when he was a baby, so Sam had all these sort of dark powers for a while. Cas helped us avert the apocalypse. That's how we met. Cas has been helping us ever since for the most part. There are a lot of things that happened, but Sam, Cas, and I usually take care of them. The last thing though, we accidently released God's sister, Amara, from where she was contained. And God and Amara fought for a while. We had to spring Lucifer from the cage to help God against Amara. But, Amara won, and God was dying, so it started killing the sun. A witch infused me with a bomb made from human souls for me to unleash against Amara, as sort of a last hail Mary pass before the end of life as we know it. But, I talked Amara into working with God instead. They fixed the sun. Amara told me she was going to give me what I needed most, and you appeared. But, because the sun was fixed, Sam and Cas probably think I'm dead. They are probably working on some half-baked, chaotic plan to bring me back from the dead. Oh, Sam and I also hunt things like vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and stuff in between saving the world."

Mary looked dazed and confused. 

Dean put a hand on Mary's shoulder. "None of it matters at all except that Sam thinks I'm dead and I got to find him before he gets himself in trouble. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but there's a bit of a time crunch here." Dean looked at her apologetically. "I'll take more time to explain it better, later. I know you were a hunter so you know weird crap exists. This is just like bigger versions of the weird crap we take on all the time."

"It's okay, Dean. Do want you need to. I'll catch up."

Dean pulled out a laptop and started typing furiously. Mary asked, "Is that a computer?"

"Yes, I'm hacking the traffic cams. There, see the Impala. They left this morning around 8. We probably missed them by about two hours, damn it."

Mary exclaimed, "That's John's car. Oh, she's still beautiful."

"Hell, she is. Dad gave her to me and taught me how to maintain her." Dean smiled at his mother. "Excuse me a minute, Mom." Dean closed his eyes and murmured. "Cas, buddy, got your ears on? I'm alive and back at the bunker. I'm going to go out and look for you if you don't call me back in the next fifteen minutes. Please, call me. I'm freaking out here."

"What are you doing?" Mary looked at Dean strangely.

"Praying to Cas. Sometimes, it works. But containing Lucifer probably took a lot out of him."

"Containing Lucifer?" Mary looked at Dean dubiously.

"Oh, Mom. I think I'm handling this all wrong. You are going to think I'm bat-shit crazy. When we let Lucifer out of the cage to help God fight Amara, he needed a vessel. Castiel offered himself up as the vessel. So, Lucifer used Castiel's body to fight Amara. Amara tortured the hell out of him. Mom, look. I'm not crazy. I promise." Dean ran his fingers through his short hair in frustration.

"So, Sam and Castiel have a two-hour head start on us going somewhere?"

"They're on the highway, so we can follow that and see if we can find them. The car I lifted has better gas mileage than Baby, so if we keep checking the gas stations along the highway, maybe, we'll find them." Dean paused, "Be right back." He rushed to his room, throwing clothes and supplies into his duffle bag. He thought some of his clothes were missing, but pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He paused and froze as he saw the mixed tape of Led Zeppelin songs that he gave Cas on his pillow. He picked it up slowly. He prayed again, "Cas, I'm ok. Please call me. Please." 

Dean placed the tape in his pocket, picked up duffle bag, and headed back to the war room. He and Mary left the bunker to try to find Castiel's and Sam's trail. How hard could it be to find his brother and a wayward angel.


	2. Into the Night

"How does Denver sound, Cas?" Sam asked calmly as he drove west. He wanted to scream and wail and smash his fist against a wall, but instead he was calmly driving Baby along the interstate with Castiel sitting next to him, staring out of the window in deep thought.

Castiel looked at him. "Can we go to Rocky Mountains National Park? There's something I want to show you there."

Sam looked at Castiel dubiously. "You're not dressed for hiking."

"I umm…might have grabbed a few of Dean's clothes." Castiel looked out the window again and didn't meet Sam's eyes.

"That's fine, Cas. It's all good. Hell, Dean wouldn't mind you borrowing his clothes when he was …" Sam choked up and bit his bottom lip.

Castiel reached over and squeezed Sam's knee, leaving his hand there. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"Not your fault, Cas. It just is."

After another 40 miles, Sam pulled onto a side road and drove to a small town off the highway. He parked the Impala outside of a run-down diner that had seen better days. Sam said simply, "Dean loved the pie here."

"You do need to eat, Sam. Would it bother you too much if I changed into jeans and a shirt?" Castiel opened the door of the car and stepped out.

Sam looked at him reassuringly. "No, Cas. It's fine. In fact, it's good. If anyone is looking for us, you're a lot less obvious if you aren't in your trench coat."

They walked into the diner. Castiel continued to the restroom in the back of the restaurant with a bundle of clothes under his arm, while Sam picked a booth. A blond, perky waitress walked up to Sam. She was dressed in jeans, a purple t-shirt, and had a pen stuck behind her ear. A name tag that said Melanie was pinned to her shirt. "Do you know what you all want to drink?" She handed Sam two menus.

"Coffee for both of us."

Sam studied the menu. Nothing sounded appealing. He sighed. When he started running after Dean went to Purgatory, he skipped eating for a week. He knew Castiel wouldn't let him get away with that. The angel was determined to make Sam take care of himself.

Castiel came back to the table, wearing jeans and a green t-shirt. The jeans were too snug in the thighs for him, but otherwise fit well. He put his trench coat and other clothes on the bench next to him. "So, what are you having, Sam?"

"A bacon cheeseburger with extra onions."

Castiel looked startled, "That is not what I expected."

"I always picked on Dean about what he ate and how it was going to harden his arteries, but I guess it didn't matter. Hunters don’t live long enough for it to matter." Sam looked out the window into the distance.

Castiel reached across the table and held Sam's hand. He smiled at Sam sadly. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"If we just had a body to bury or something. It'd be…"

"More closure?"

Sam sighed deeply as Melanie returned with the cups of coffee. "You two okay?" She noticed how upset the pair looked.

Castiel smiled tiredly. "Yes, we recently lost a family member, so we are a little stressed."

Melanie gave them a sympathetic look. "I'm so sorry. Do you need another moment before ordering?"

Sam shook his head, "I'll have a bacon cheeseburger with onions, please." She wrote it down on her pad and turned to Castiel.

"Umm, two pieces of apple pie," Castiel ordered without looking at the menu

Sam and Castiel sat there quietly, both lost in their thoughts. Castiel suddenly felt a brief, sharp pain in his head, and put his hand to the side of his temple for a moment. 

"Something the matter, Cas?" Sam looked concerned.

"Just something on angel radio I think. Maybe a prayer. I couldn't make it out. I'll tune them out for a while. They are probably concerned about Lucifer. I'm not ready to think about that yet. I know I should go take care of Lucifer, but…"

"Let's just let someone else save the world for a while."

Castiel sighed, "You know Crowley will go after him after what he did to Crowley. He made Crowley lick the floor, called him puppy, and kept a collar on him. As you can imagine, Crowley probably is coming up with a dozen different plans to take him out."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Surely, nothing can go wrong with Crowley on the case?"

Castiel gave a small chuckle and then stopped. He looked sick.

"Cas?"

"Doesn't seem right to laugh." Castiel sighed and stared down at the table.

Melanie returned with their food. She smiled as she placed the plates on the table. "Let me know if you boys need anything else."

Sam struggled to eat his cheeseburger, but it tasted like sawdust to him. He ate about half of it before he pushed it away. "I can't, Cas."

Castiel nodded and signaled Melanie. "The check please and a to-go container for the pie." She looked at them sadly and did as he asked. 

A few minutes later, the two of them were back on the road in the Impala. They gassed up the Impala at a small gas station on the edge of the town. Castiel drove, while Sam looked on his laptop where to find a sports recreation store. If Castiel wanted to go hiking to show him something in the mountains, they needed some gear.

Castiel and Sam stopped at a sports recreation store in Boulder. They bought a small tent, two sleeping bags, freeze dried food, and boots for Castiel.

After they finished, Castiel asked Sam, "Should we find a motel?"

Sam nodded, absorbed in looking up information about the park. Castiel found a small motel with a faded sign that looked like it has been built in the seventies. He left Sam in the car, while he ran in to get a room, paying cash.

Castiel stopped at a vending machine and bought a variety of snacks and drinks for Sam before returning to the car. Castiel almost had to drag Sam to the room, because Sam was so engrossed in his laptop. After entering the room, Sam immediately set up his laptop on the table. Castiel opened a candy bar and put it in Sam's hand. Sam ate it without talking. Castiel looked over Sam's shoulder and saw Sam was studying topographic maps of the park. Castiel smiled softly for a moment, happy to distract Sam from thinking about their loss. 

Castiel laid on one of the beds, drifting off to sleep. He still felt drained from containing Lucifer. He stirred slightly when Sam joined him in bed, instead of using the empty bed, but stayed asleep.

\----- 

Dean was frustrated at the fourth Gas N Sip were the attendant said he hadn't seen the Impala, a tall guy, or a nerdy, dorky guy in the trench coat. 

He walked back to where Mary was putting gas in the car. "No dice, Mom. They must have gone backroads or something." Dean felt defeated. He had assumed based on the hacked traffic cams that they were heading to IH70. However, they could have changed their direction. He had left a note on the library table so if Cas and Sam returned to the bunker, they would know to call him. 

When Mary finished pumping gas, Dean slid into the driver seat as Mary went around to get in the passenger side. As Dean restarted the car, he fished the mix tape out of his pocket of his jacket and put it in the cassette player in the car. The opening chords of Ramble On filled the car. Mary looked at him, "You like Zeppelin?"

Dean smiled at her. "They are the best. My favorite band. This tape has all my favorites on it."

"Do you listen to music a lot?"

"All the time. I spend a lot of the time in the Impala, going from hunt to hunt. In the Impala, I have a collection of tapes like Metallica, Zeppelin, Seger, Skynyrd, you know all the classics. When I'm not in the Impala, I use an mp3 player."

"A what?"

Dean fished into one the pockets in his hunting jacket and handed Mary a small mp3 player. "That thing has like 3000 songs on it. I use it at motels or in my room."

Mary looked at it in amazement.

"This tape… This tape is actually Cas'. I…uhh…gave him a tape with all of my favorite Zepp songs."

Mary looked startled for a moment. "You made him a mixtape?"

"Yeah, the guy knows nothing about music unless it is like madrigals or hymns or something. He has no sense of appreciation of my kind of music. So, I made him this tape to listen to. It's funny, because he didn't know you had to turn it over the listen to the other side. I didn't know he didn't know until he asked me why the tape was called,  
'Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx', but only had seven songs on it." Dean chucked. "I know that sounds like he's sort of dumb, but he really isn't. He knows so much about everything in creation, but then something as simple as rock music, he gets totally lost. He takes pretty much everything literally. He and Sam nerd out together."

"You care for him a lot?" Mary looked over at Dean.

"He's like a brother to me. Cas and Sam are my family. And, umm, now you too." Dean gave her a wide smile.

"Does Sam like hunting?

"Not at first. He rebelled about it a lot, but Dad was hellbent on finding Yellow Eyes. Finally, Sam left us to go to Stanford to college. He studied pre-law and was about to enter law school. He had a full-ride scholarship. Sam's super smart, way smarter than me. But, then Dad went missing, and I needed help to find him. Sam put school on hold. And, I kind of guess, it's still on hold."

"Sam was out of the life, but came back in?" Mary looked sad.

"We figured out the only thing we had except this car was each other." Dean glanced over at her.

Mary looked downcast, "I didn't mean for you boys to get in this life."

"Mom, this life made us the men we are today. And I'm pretty damn proud of who we are. We help people, we saved the world."

Mary smiled at Dean, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. 

Dean continued, "I call Sam Sasquatch because he's gigantic. He never gets his hair cut short. He always had this shaggy mop of hair. He eats mostly vegetation and smoothies and runs all the time. He has this look he gets, that I call bitch face, when he is irritated. He's great, Mom, always has my back."

"Does he like Cas too?"

"Well, me and Cas are a little closer than Sam and Cas are. Cas rescued me from Hell. And I think that made us have what he calls 'a more profound bond.' But, Sam thinks of Cas as a brother too."

"From Hell?" Mary gasped.

"Damn, I did it again. I don't want to overwhelm you, Mom. I did a demon deal because Sam got killed, traded my soul for Sam's life. Don't worry, I'll never do that again. Because of that whole me being Michael's vessel thing, the angels sent Cas to hell to rescue me. Just a word of warning, Mom. If an angel ever asks you to be their vessel say hell no. Don't trust angels other than Cas at all. Hell, Crowley is more trustworthy than any angel 'sides Cas. Cas rebelled for us." Dean yawned widely. "I'm getting too tired to drive, Mom. You haven't slept either since you…"

"…came back to life after 30 something years," Mary finished.

"Yeah. We aren't going to catch up with them this way. I'll find a motel and I'll try to find them by searching credit card receipts and hack more traffic cams."

Dean found a hotel on the outskirts of Denver. After getting them checked in, Dean started his laptop and searched through the records for the credit card accounts that he and Sam currently used. "Sonovabitch," he growled. Mary, sitting on the foot of one of the beds, looked at him startled.

"Did you find something, Dean?"

"Yeah, Mom. Sam used his card at a diner we like that's off the main highway. He probably refilled the car there at the gas station. He also used it at Rocket Outdoor Sports outside of Boulder about two hours ago. He cut further north than I did. I should have thought of that. Dammit. That's the last time he used the card. I was hoping he had used a card for a motel." Dean ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated.

"Can you tell what he bought?"

"My guess is camping gear. I have no clue why they are going camping. Maybe there is a wendigo or something."

"They'd go hunting the day after they think you were killed?" Mary arched an eyebrow at Dean.

Dean frowned. "Honestly, I have no idea what's going on. Both Sam and Cas can be a bit…erratic if they think I'm dead. They could be going somewhere to try make a deal. If I could just let them know I'm alive." Dean suddenly sat up straighter. "I can send Sam an email." He typed furiously for a few minutes and then leaned back in his chair and looked at Mary thoughtfully. "Maybe, we should go ahead to Boulder now."

"You were already falling asleep at the wheel Dean. We should get a few hours sleep. How can we find them in the dark?" Mary added a parental tone to her voice.

Dean sighed, "Yes, ma'am." Dean kicked off his boots and crawled in the empty bed. "Four hours, Mom, and then we'll hit the road again."

Mary kicked off her boots in a similar manner and got into the other bed and turned off the light.

Dean called out softly, "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I'm so freakin' glad you are back." Dean rolled over and buried his face in the pillow before falling asleep.


	3. Rocky Mountain Way

When Sam woke up, he was startled that Castiel was not in the room. Sam remembered being half asleep when he got into the bed. He groaned as he realized he had crawled into bed with Castiel. He knew nothing untoward happened, but he had overstepped boundaries. He fervently hoped Castiel hadn't been scared off. As he started to open his laptop, Castiel walked into the room with two cups of coffee and pastries. 

Castiel smiled warmly at Sam, "Good morning, Sam." Castiel placed the food on the table and reached over and closed the screen on the laptop. "No, Sam. You take a shower, eat, and we’ll head to the park. We have a long hike."

Sam quickly took a shower. When he came out, Castiel had everything packed. Sam grabbed his food and let Castiel lead him to the Impala. Castiel drove, while Sam finished eating. Sam glanced over at Castiel. Castiel looked completely different dressed in a dark blue flannel shirt, a green jacket, and tight jeans. He seemed smaller without the voluminous trench coat surrounding him. He looked almost serene. Most people wouldn't notice it, but Sam could see the grief etched on his usually impassive face. "Where are we going, Cas?"

"To a place I used to go to think. It was much easier when I could fly. It's a good place to reflect."

Sam's face crumpled. "What are we going to do without him, Cas?"

Castiel looked at him and reached over to squeeze his knee briefly. "What we always do. Just do our best, one day at a time."

Castiel stared at the road ahead, driving swiftly towards the park. 

Sam said quietly, "I'm sorry for invading your personal space last night, Cas. Being close to you, somehow makes things more bearable."

"It's fine, Sam. I don't mind. I used to be close to Dean when he was having nightmares about hell to calm him. I had to do it secretly. He isn't…wasn't… as open to help as you are. I had to do many things behind his back to help him. It wasn't ideal, but he was too headstrong to listen to reason." 

"He was scared. He loved you, but he never knew how to express it. He never looked at anyone the way he looked at you. I think he was afraid if he gave an inch on the personal space, that he couldn't stop himself from giving you everything. He screwed up, because he was lucky to have someone like you love him unconditionally. He missed out on so much." Sam smiled sadly.

"No, I was lucky to have been the one chosen to rescue him from hell. I didn't start really living until I fell." Castiel choked on his words. Tears streamed down his face as he almost swerved off the road. 

"Pull over, Cas."

Castiel pulled to the side of the road. Sam pulled him into his arms and held him for several minutes. When Castiel pulled himself back together, Sam got out of the car and went to the driver's side, as Castiel slid to the passenger side. Sam drove the rest of the way to the park. Sam stopped at the park station and paid the fees for a backcountry camping permit. 

Sam brought out a map the park ranger provided to show it to Castiel. The park had many trails within it. Castiel stared at the map for a minute and then pointed to the Glacial Gorge trail head. "We need to use that trail to take you where I want to go."

They slid back into the Impala, and Sam drove to the trail head. After Sam parked the Impala in the parking lot closest to the Glacier Gorge trail, they assembled their supplies and started up the rugged trail.

Castiel led confidently as if he knew exactly where they were going. The incline was steep and difficult to navigate. Sam thought he was in shape, but he was out of breath and his muscles had started aching after the first hour. Castiel moved easily and helped Sam when he had problems climbing the more treacherous parts of the trail.

When Sam had to rest, Castiel stood on an overlook looking back down the mountain. "When you see sights like this, I don't understand how Father didn't have a grand design. I believed so long that there was some great destiny. Instead, all you can do is your best in a world where it's too easily to do your worst. I mean just consider a platypus -- they are like a cross between a duck and a beaver. Why make something so chaotic. Although I do like platypus. I'm rambling." Castiel grew quiet. He then picked up a pebble and threw it over the side of the overlook. He said in a low voice, "Dean gave the world everything, he did not deserve to go the way he did. Sam, his soul…" A catch in his voice indicated he was on the verge of tears again.

Sam stood up and wrapped his arms around Castiel holding him tight. He kissed Castiel on the top of his head. "I know, Cas. God should have done better for him. It's not right, and it's not fair."

They stood there motionless for several minutes. Castiel buried his face in Sam's jacket. Castiel finally said quietly, "It seems like you are taking care of me more than I'm watching out for you. That's not what Dean asked of me."

"Would you be here if Dean hadn't asked you?"

Castiel stepped back. "Of course, you are my family. I'm here until you no longer need me." Castiel paused, "I have no other family really."

"All we have is each other. We'll take care of each other." Sam smiled sadly. 

Castiel smiled shyly at Sam. "You ready to continue, now?"

After Sam nodded, Castiel started hiking up the trail. Sam followed him doggedly. After three hours, Castiel climbed around a rock and paused. Sam could hear the roar of a waterfall, but he wasn't prepared for the beautiful misty, shimmering wall of water.

Castiel asked, "What do you think?"

Sam sat there with his mouth agape. "I don't even know what to say."

"I always came here to think when I could fly. Many of the times I left you and Dean I would come here to decide what I would do next. There's something magical or mystical about this particular spot."

Castiel motioned to a rock and sat down. Sam sat next to him. He caught Castiel's hand and held it while they sat in silence. Castiel reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a bag of trail mix. He looked at Sam and held out the bag, "Eat."

Sam snorted and opened the bag, "Yes, sir."

Castiel raised an eyebrow, "What I like about you, Sam, is your common sense." Castiel pulled a bottle of water out of his backpack and handed it to Sam. 

After a few moments, Sam said quietly, "Thank you, Cas. For everything. For rebelling, for throwing the Molotov cocktail at Michael, for rescuing Dean from hell, for rescuing me from hell, for always being there. For being here now."

Castiel reached over and squeezed Sam's hand again. "The first time I ever held your hand, I called you the boy with the demon blood. I was so blind then; I only saw a small piece of you. There's so much good in you, Sam, in so many ways."

"I couldn't believe I was meeting an angel."

Castiel smiled slowly. "I'm sorry we were such a disappointment to you. Uriel was very off-putting, and I was such an obedient little soldier."

"Not for long," Sam answered. "You were connected to Dean from the start. Anyone could see that. Balthazar mentioned it, Uriel mentioned it, I saw it."

Castiel looked at the waterfall, lost in thought. Sam quietly finished the trail mix. The silence between the two of them was comfortable. Sam stood up and stretched his legs, "Thank you, Cas, for sharing this."

Castiel stood up. "Oh, this is not the only thing I wanted to show you. There's more. Are you ready to hike again?"

Sam winced at the thought of climbing more, but he'd follow Castiel to the end of the world at this point. "Lead on, Cas." They took off up the trail, climbing the mountain.

 

\-------

When Dean woke up, he called Jody. When she answered her phone sleepily, he asked, "Jody, could please you contact the park service and see if the Impala is parked at one of the parks near Boulder? Sam was in Boulder last night, buying camping gear. I'm thinking that for some reason, he and Cas are heading to one of the parks to camp."

Jody yawned, "Of course. Are you okay, Dean? Do you need any help? I could swing that way."

Dean glanced at Mary packing things up. He stepped out of the room. "Jody, I'm completely spun out. My mom is back, as in alive, after thirty-three years. Sam and Cas are AWOL thinking I'm dead. Every time I have to tell her what happened, I have to talk about God, Amara, Lucifer, Angels, demons, and Chuck knows what. I can't believe she hasn't kicked me to the curb and taken off."

"You boys have a crazy life. God knows it took me awhile to figure things out. She'll get there. Give her time. If she needs to talk to someone, my door is always open."

"Thanks, Jody. As soon as I find Sam and Cas, I want to head up to see you. It might help Mom to have a neutral party to explain things."

As Dean and Jody said their goodbyes, Mary came out of the motel with their gear. They headed toward Boulder, stopping only to get camping gear of their own and eating breakfast. Jody called back as Dean as he was arranging the backpacks he and Mary would need if they had to go camping or hunting in the wilderness. 

Jody said, "Hey Dean. They are at Rocky Mountain National Park. The park ranger remembers selling a backcountry pass to a really tall guy named Sam Wesson. Cas is with him probably, because Sam bought two passes. The Impala is parked at the Glacier Gorge trail head."

"Thanks, Jody. I'll go after them."

Dean turned to Mary, grinning broadly. "Jody found them, Mom."

When Dean arrived at the park, he parked next to the Impala. Mary exited the car and walked around the Impala, running her hand down the sleek fender. She stared at the backseat. Dean smiled at her, and then Mary looked up at Dean and stared at the backseat and smiled. After a few seconds, Dean smile faltered as he came to the conclusion of what Mary might have used the backseat for. He had used it for the same purpose many times. He coughed nervously. He popped the hood and pulled out the distributer cap. "That will stop them if they come back here while we look for them."

Mary circled the car slowly. "I see two sets of tracks. Both in work boots. Both with fairly large feet."

"That would be Sasquatch and Cas." Dean opened the Impala's trunk and tossed the distributor cap in. He then pulled out a pad of paper from the trunk and wrote a note for Sam, telling him to call. He left the note on the dashboard.

Mary took their backpacks from the backseat of the car they drove there. She placed Dean's on the hood, while she  
hoisted her backpack onto her shoulders and headed to the trail head.

Dean called after her, "Mom, are you sure you want to climb up the mountain? You could wait back at a motel." 

"I'm going to go find my son. But good talk, let's go." Mary started following the trail up. Dean grabbed his backpack and took after her. Dean was impressed by her tracking skills as she pointed out where Sam and Castiel had rested. Her skills were on par with Bobby's, and he was the best Dean had ever seen.

After walking for a while, Mary asked, "Any idea yet, why they are going this way, Dean?"

"I think it might be more of a personal pilgrimage than a case, Mom. I don't see how they had the time to find a case. I guess my supposed death spun them out, and they aren't all together rational. So, I figure they either have some ritual or spell to try to get me back or they are just running. Sam did that once, when I got trapped somewhere where he thought he couldn't get me. He got in my car and drove until he hit a dog and took it to a vet and met a girl. He got out of the life a second time, and I dragged him back in." Dean frowned.

Mary sighed deeply, "And, Castiel would go along with running like that?"

"Cas would do anything if he thought it would help one of us, Mom. He's…like another brother. The three of us have been together for nine years. There's not much we wouldn't do for each other. We sometimes don't agree. Hell, sometimes I don't agree with Sam. But, we have each other's backs."

Mary stared back at Dean a moment. "Is Castiel someone special to you?"

Dean looked blankly at his mother for a moment. He had just told her that Castiel was part of the family. His face turned red when he realized her implication. "No, Mom, it's not like that. But, I get that a lot."

"Not that I'd mind if you did; I'd support you no matter who you cared for. But, your eyes light up when you mention him. I'm probably overstepping my bounds here."

"I'm an open book, Mom. Ask me anything you want and I'll try to answer. But, me and Cas have a complicated relationship. The dude gave up everything for me, literally, everything. Angels don't really have genders. I don't want to imagine life without him, but we don't go make out in the Impala if that's what you mean. We are what we are. I don't think I can label it in words." Dan looked off in the distance.

"He makes you happy?"

"You will love him. He's awesome. He's quirky and dorky, but also fierce and stubborn. I don't know whether he or Sam is the bigger nerd." Dean smiled at Mary.

"Will Sam actually be glad to see me? I'm the cause of everything that happened to hm."

Dean placed a hand on her arm. "Mom, we've all made demon deals for our family. Dad went to hell to save me. I went to hell to save Sam. Sam unleashed the friggin' Darkness to save me. But, we shouldn't do that anymore. It tends to lead to nasty consequences. Which is why we need to find them, before they do something stupid."


	4. Fire Lake

Castiel led Sam higher up the rocky trail. Sam lost his footing a few times, but Castiel caught him. When they got up the rise, Sam could see a large, placid lake surrounded by a pine forest. Mountains continued to rise around it, with snowcaps at the highest elevations. 

"Oh, my God." Sam turned in wonder at the beautiful scene. "Errr, sorry, Cas."

"No, this is an appropriate place to say God. This spot shows the true magnificence of Father's creations. Do you like it then?" Castiel looked at Sam hopefully.

"It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."

Castiel smiled at Sam, "We can set up camp here."

Sam picked a location off the trail to set up the tent, while Castiel walked up to the lake. Before Sam had finished with the tent, Castiel returned with a large fish. Castiel cleaned the fish and readied a fire. Sam cooked the fish, while Castiel leaned against a tree watching him.

Castiel was quiet while Sam kept up a running dialog as he cooked dinner. Castiel finally said quietly, "Dean used to dream about fishing, just him on a pier. I'd join him in the dream and we sit there while Dean fished. Sometimes, Dean would try to teach me how to sing various classic rock songs. Other times, he'd just hold my hand without speaking. Even when I couldn't be there with the two of you, I'd be with Dean while he slept. It kept the hell dreams at bay."

"It's like you and Dean had this whole other side I knew nothing about." Sam looked wistful.

"Dean let himself have things in dreams he'd never let us do outside of them. As long as it was in a dream, he could deal with it. In the harsh reality of daylight, he couldn't face the emotions. It was enough, Sam. You heard him call me buddy and pal. In his dreams, it was babe and angel." Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, but traces of tears fell down his cheeks. Sam wiped them away with his thumb. He reached over and kissed Castiel fully on the mouth. Castiel was startled for a moment, but then kissed back. Sam tried to pull Castiel closer, but Castiel pulled away slowly.

"Sam…"

"It was a comforting gesture gone awry. I'm sorry, Cas." Sam reached out and touched the side of Castiel's face.

Castiel stood up suddenly. "Once again, we are focusing on me and not you. I'm the angel, Sam. You're my charge, but we keep talking about my feelings. You just lost your brother. What can I do for you, Sam?"

"Honestly, Cas. I am grateful you are sharing a side of Dean I never fully knew existed. You keep giving pieces of him back to me. He was so focused on his mantra of keeping his little brother safe, I never got to see these pieces."

Castiel stood up and offered Sam his hand. "I'm going to show you where I meditate." Castiel led him around the lake until they arrived at a long, smooth black stone that jutted into the water. Castiel sat on the stone cross legged. Sam sat next to him. The outside of their legs touched. Sam could feel the tendrils of Castiel's grace wrap around him.

"Let you mind relax, Sam. Tell me of your favorite moment with Dean."

"Fireworks. Dean bought fireworks, but he knew Dad would be pissed if he knew Dean spent the money on something frivolous even if Dean had earned the money himself. We went out to this big empty field and set them off. It was amazing. Everything seemed possible. Your turn."

"Dean gave me a cassette tape of his favorite songs. We laid on his bed, listening to each song. He'd tell me what was special about that song and what it meant to him. He said the Rain Song was his song for me. He sang it for me. It's the closest…" Castiel paused, overcome with emotion. 

"…that he came to saying he loved you." Sam said soothingly. "You were his person, Cas."

"Sam, I'm handling this progressively worse. I just can't…I could handle if he died, but his soul was obliterated. It's like he never was."

"That's not true, Cas. He's part of the two of us. He raised me to become the man I am. He showed you the way to be free." 

Castiel started crying freely. Sam pulled him into his lap and started to cry as well. They sat that way for a long time. "I'm a mess, Sam. I don't know what to do or how to cope. He was…everything."

The sky at that moment opened up and rain started coming down in sheets. Sam stood up, still carrying Castiel and made a beeline for the tent. The rain was cold and Sam was shivering by the time he reached the tent. Sam pulled off his shirt and kicked off his jeans. He left on his boxers. 

"Cas, can you dry yourself off with mojo? You are dripping everywhere."

"No, my mojo, as you call, it was pretty much used up by Lucifer. It's coming back slowly." Sam frowned and started to push the flannel off Castiel's shoulders. He then tugged off Castiel's t-shirt.

"Can you get out of your pants, Cas?" 

Castiel hesitated before removing his jeans. He left on his boxers. Sam had no idea the body Castiel had been hiding his layers of clothes. He stared at him a moment, wondering whether Jimmy had exercised that much or if it was Castiel's doing. Sam hung the wet clothes the best he could in the far corner of the tent. Sam's teeth were chattering. Castiel looked concerned.

"You're very cold." Castiel pulled back the edge of the sleeping bag. Sam joined him and Castiel threw an arm over him. Sam got warmer as tendrils of grace enveloped him. Castiel smiled, "Better?"

"Yeah, Cas. But Cas, how are you doing? You've slept a lot the last couple of days. Usually, you would have just angel-powered us dry. Are you using too much grace on me?" Sam stared at Castiel with concerned eyes.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "I'm fine, Sam. Lucifer caused a lot of internal damage both to my angelic self and my bod…vessel. My grace is slowly fixing things. But it fixes it faster if I sleep. If I was alone, I'd probably find a safe place and sleep straight through until everything was right."

"You could still do that; we could go back to the bunker."

"No, Sam. My bigger issue is without Dean, I'm not sure how to fix my…sense of self. What am I? I don't belong in Heaven. Besides that, being close to you is helping, my grace is helping you deal with the grief, but your soul is helping me deal with mine. Not that I deserve it, after leaving your soul in hell, breaking your wall, and refusing to fix you." Castiel turned his face to look away from Sam.

"You also took all that pain in you when you returned. You broke yourself to fix me." Sam turned Castiel's face towards him. He kissed him gently. Castiel froze. Sam pulled back. "When I was hellbent on finding Gadreel, you wouldn't sacrifice me to do it. You told me nothing was worth losing me. I manipulated you into helping me get the Mark of Cain off Dean, even though you warned me repeatedly of dire consequences. You let Lucifer in so I wouldn't have to."

"Sam…"

Sam kissed Castiel and Castiel responded passionately. Sam pulled Castiel closer, and his hands started to roam Castiel's back. Castiel froze again. "Sam, I'm not sure…"

Sam pulled away. "I'm sorry, Cas." Sam scooted as far as he could away from Cas. "I won't try anything else."

Castiel searched Sam's face. He reached out his hand and stroked Sam's jaw. Sam closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Castiel pulled Sam close again and kissed him tenderly. "Maybe, I think too much when maybe I should just feel," Castiel said softly. "Are you sure you won't regret this, Sam?"

"I won't regret it."

Castiel looked deeply into Sam's eyes. Sam had never undergone one of Castiel's intense stares before and found himself slightly unnerved. They laid on their sides facing each other. Castiel could feel Sam's arousal pressed against his leg. Sam stroked Castiel's back, while Castiel's kissed Sam's neck. Sam returned Castiel's kisses as they started to touch each other more aggressively. Sam extended his range to run his hands down Castiel’s sides to his hips, pulling them closer together and grinding against him. The movements became more frantic until they both peaked together after a few minutes. They laid quietly next to each other without talking for several minutes. Sam wished he could read the angel's mind. 

Sam said quietly, "Cas, don't leave. You always leave after things happen."

"All we have is each other, Sam. I'm not going anywhere." He looked ruefully at their wet boxers. "Being human is so messy." He smiled at Sam, and kissed him gently again. He used a small amount of grace to clean the two of them up. 

"Cas…"

Castiel put a finger across Sam's lips. "Tomorrow, we'll talk tomorrow. Tonight, we'll sleep." They curled around each other as they fell asleep.

\-----

Dean and Mary had found an overhang to camp under when the rain had hit. They unfurled their sleeping bags and slept for a few hours. When the rain ceased, they ate some dried trail mix. 

Dean frowned. "It's going to be harder to track them now if they went off the main trail."

Mary smiled and put a hand on Dean's arm. "It's ok, they were heading up. We'll find them. They had to rest and find shelter too. I have faith."

Dean raised an eyebrow, "I've been told my biggest problem is I lack faith."

"Well, I have enough for the both of us. I didn't come back to life after 33 years just so I couldn't find Sam. We'll find them, Dean. I have no idea what happens after, but I'll find them."

The two scrambled up the trail, which had become slicker because of the rain. When they crested one slope, they stared at the lake that greeted them. Trees surrounded the lake. Off on one side in the distance, Dean could see a small tent. He gave Mary a wide grin. "That's got to be them." They walked closer, but Dean paused at the last bunch of trees before the clearing the tent was pitched in. "Mom, can you wait here? I'll talk to Sam for a bit before I introduce you. I don't want him to think we need to test silver, holy water, and the rest on you."

Mary smiled and nodded. "I'm scared of what he's going to think of me."

"He'll love you, Mom. He'll just need to get used to you. He doesn't remember you except through the stories that I've told him. But, Sam is about the most loving guy there is after he gets to know you. He's like a big, awkward puppy."

Dean crossed the clearing. He approached the tent quietly. He didn't want Sam to shoot him before he realized it was him. He called out softly, "Sam?"

A sleepy confused voice from the tent responded, "Dean?"

Dean pushed the tent door open and his jaw dropped. Sam was looking up at him. He had no shirt on. Castiel was still asleep his head on Sam's chest, a bruise marred Castiel's neck.

"What the hell?" Dean stammered, as he backed up out of the tent. He stepped on a rock, and sprawled on his rear on the dirt. He heard soft voices in the tent, and Sam came out, still zipping up his jeans. 

"Dean, what the hell happened? How are you alive?" Sam asked joyfully, as he walked over and offered a hand to Dean. Dean took it as Sam pulled him to his feet and hugged him tightly.

Dean looked at Sam still wordless. He shook his head. He had to have imagined what he saw in the tent.

"Dean?"

"I talked to Amara and showed her what she really wanted was her brother. She and Chuck went off together after defusing the bomb inside me. What the fuck is going on in there with Cas?"

"It's hard to explain…" Sam stammered.

"Well, from where I sit, it looks like three days after you think I died, you screw the one person that I care about. That's what it looks like to me." Dean growled.

"We didn't do that. We just…"

Castiel came out of the tent. His hair was tousled in complete disorder, and he was dressed in Dean's jeans and a flannel shirt. He moved forward to hug him. "Dean, you're alive? But the bomb, the darkness?"

Dean backed up a step and looked between the two of them. "Are you all happy I'm alive or do you just want to keep doing what you were doing in that tent?"

Castiel looked at him confused. "Of course, I'm happy you're alive. Is something the matter, Dean?"

"You and Sam…"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Are you a couple now?"

Castiel repeated, "What?"

Sam said, "Dean, I can explain. Cas and I were just upset and were comforting each other…"

"By screwing?" Dean growled.

"For God's sake, Dean. We didn't screw; we just…" Sam protested.

Castiel looked at Dean. "You are overreacting and making things needlessly complicated."

Dean glared between them. "Were you guys making out?"

Castiel turned on heel and started walking towards the lake. Dean glared at Sam. "What did you do to him? He's wearing my clothes and he's making out with you. That's not the Cas I know."

Sam snapped, "The Cas you knew just spent three days wondering how he was going to survive without the one thing in life that gave him purpose. He was lost."

"And, so what, you found him?"

"We both were lost and…"

"You took advantage of him," Dean glared at Sam.

Sam froze. "You think I…"

"I think you took advantage of how upset he was and encouraged him to do things that he normally wouldn't do." Dean looked up at Sam with his hands balled up into fists.

Sam thought back. Castiel had shied away from him a few times. He suddenly wasn't sure that he hadn't pressured Castiel into doing things he wasn't comfortable doing. His face flooded with guilt.

Dean growled, "Suddenly, a light bulb goes off. He's a fucking angel, Sam, and the last thing I asked him to do was to take care of you."

Sam retorted, "Well, maybe sometime during the last nine years you could have tried to act on your feelings instead of alternately driving him away and then going crazy when he was gone. He loves you, dumbass. I spent three days trying to talk him down from the edge."

Dean watched Castiel back as he was walking further away along the edge of the lake. "I need to go after him. Sam, Amara gave me a gift. She said it was the thing I needed most. She brought Mom back. Mom is behind those trees over there."

Sam turned pale. "Mom?"

"Yes, it's Mom. You don't need to test her. She worried that you won't accept her. So, don't screw up meeting her. Try not to make any more stupid mistakes."

Sam glared at him and headed towards the trees. Dean took off at a jog to catch up with Castiel. When he did, he caught Castiel's arm and pulled him into a hug. Castiel was stiff and non-pliant in his arms. "Welcome home, Dean," he said stiffly.

"Cas, I was just startled to find you and Sam together like that."

Castiel closed his eyes and seemed to be counting to ten. He opened his eyes again. "I'm exhausted, Dean. Do we have to talk right now? I am very relieved that you are alive. I should have expected that you would find a way -- you often have a way of exceeding my expectations."

Dean looked intently at Castiel. Castiel couldn't meet Dean's eyes. "Ok, we can talk later." He hugged Castiel tighter. This time, Castiel hugged him back. "Did I mention my mother is back?"

"How?"

"Amara returned her because I got her and Chuck back together. She said she was going to give me what I needed most. And then she and Chuck disappeared, and I found Mom." Dean smiled at Castiel, as they walked back towards the tent together.

"Father never addressed me. Not once. I kept waiting for him to say something to me. After Lucifer left me, I seemed to lose all value to him," Castiel said quietly.

"Well, to be a little fair to Chuck, he was dying."

Castiel shrugged. "I gave up trying for my Father's approval or any angel's approval a long time ago. You and Sam are my real family."

Dean stopped and turned to face Castiel, "Don't ever forget that. Cas, I can't put to words what you mean to me. Whatever happened between you and Sam, please don't forget you are our family."

Castiel gave Dean a perplexed look. "Why would I?"

Dean clapped Castiel on the back. "Just don't forget."


	5. Home Again

Sam approached the trees gingerly. As he stepped around them, he saw Mary. His eyes widened. He had only ever known her from pictures, seeing her in person took his breath away. "Mom?"

Mary smiled at him, "Sam." She hugged him tight.

"I can't believe you are really here. When Dean told me, I was in shock. I don't even know what to say." Sam stared at her. 

"I haven't really had time to process being here, yet," Mary replied gently. "As soon as we got to the bunker, Dean and I left to find you. I've learned a lot about the last 30 years, but haven't had a chance to put the pieces together yet."

Sam kept staring at her. "You are so beautiful."

"Thank you. You are so….tall. Much taller than me or John." She looked up at him. She said quietly, "I'm sorry, Sam."

"For what?"

"For making the deal. For not being there. For everything."

Sam hugged her. "You are here now, Mom. And I'm sorry about the search. When Cas and I thought Dean was dead, we sort of spun out of control."

"It's ok, Sam. Now we're together. I think Dean must really care about Cas though."

Sam gulped slightly, "Yes, they are really close. He's one of us. I'm going to go tear down our tent, Mom, so we can head down. Come with me?"

Mary nodded and followed Sam. She sat on a log, as Sam packed up the tent and put everything back into backpacks. He could see Dean and Castiel returning, and wasn't sure what to expect. Sam swallowed nervously.

Dean walked to Mary. "Mom, this is Castiel. Cas, this is Mary Winchester. Like I told you before, he's an angel, wings, harp."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "No, I don't have a harp. But it's nice to meet you, Mary. Dean has told me a lot about you over the years." 

Sam awkwardly handed Castiel his backpack. Castiel took it and slung it across his back. "Dean, Mary, this is Sky Pond. I used to come here and think when I could fly."

"Fly like a bird?" Mary asked him with wide eyes.

"More like a teleport, but I did…do have wings," Castiel smiled at Mary. "Sadly, an unfortunate incident a few years ago damaged my wings and I can no longer fly. I miss it. Life on the road kind of smells."

Castiel and Mary led the way back down the trail, as Sam and Dean followed behind. Sam could feel the anger radiate off of Dean. Sam knew it was going to be a long trip down the mountain.

When they finally returned to the Impala, Dean reattached the distributor cap, while Sam called Jody to assure her that everything was fine now.

Mary got in the front with Dean, while Castiel and Sam rode in the back. Dean turned on some Led Zeppelin and music blasted over the speakers. Sam slept in the backseat, while Castiel looked out the window. After a few hours, Dean stopped the car and traded places with Sam after waking him up to drive for a while. Dean leaned into Castiel a little, "You ok?"

Castiel looked carefully at Dean's face. His face was ragged with exhaustion. Castiel put his hand on Dean's arm, and Dean could feel the comforting feeling he always associated with Castiel flow through him. "I'm sorry, Dean, to cause you to worry. I didn't mean too. The bunker was just so overwhelmingly you, that I thought Sam and I should get out of it for a while. So, I took him to one of my favorite places. I shouldn't have let him leave the phones behind. I regret causing you the stress of the last few days."

Dean said quietly, "As long as you are ok, I'll be ok." Dean drifted off to sleep with his head on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel caught Sam staring at him in the rearview mirror. When Sam realized Castiel had caught him, he shifted his eyes uncomfortably. 

When they arrived at the bunker, Sam showed his mom to the guest room, while Dean grabbed a shower. When he returned to his room, he found Castiel sitting on his bed. He had changed back into his regular clothes. He held out the clothes he borrowed to Dean. "I'm sorry to have used your clothes without asking, Dean."

"Keep those, Cas. They looked good on you. I think you should wear them all the time. You know how many times people have identified us because our angel wears a trench coat. Or better yet, after we all get some shut eye, I'll take you shopping to buy your own." Dean smiled at Castiel.

"Thank you. I'm thinking though, now that you are back and Sam is in good hands that I'm going to go search for Lucifer. You and Sam need some time with your mother, and someone needs to find Lucifer and contain him," Castiel looked away from Dean as he talked.

"No, Cas. Come on. We'll look for Lucifer together. You, me, Sam, and I guess Mom. We need to do it together."

Castiel said in a firmer voice, "You need to spend time with your mother and get reacquainted. You and Sam don't need a third wheel in the middle of you building a relationship with your mother."

"A third wheel provides better grip and stability."

Castiel growled, "That's what I thought, but Sam said it was a bad thing."

"What does Sam know? He's just a tofu-eating, jogging, geeky nerd." Dean reached over and ruffled Castiel's already messed up hair.

"Dean, you don't need me here. I need to find Lucifer."

"You are running, Cas. You are always running. You run away from me. You run away from yourself. Stop running," Dean yelled exasperated. 

"I let Lucifer out, I need to put him back. I'll call you when I find him," Castiel growled.

"You can't take on Lucifer and you know it." Dean hauled Castiel to his feet. His face was close to Castiel's. "He'll eat you for lunch. He once exploded you without a second thought. We need to do this together, not have you run in without a plan and get yourself killed."

Sam walked in, hesitating near the door. "Mom could hear you two arguing and was concerned. I told her that you two needed to get stuff of your chests, but maybe you could close the door or go to the garage or something."

"He's leaving us, Sam. Thanks for that," Dean glared at Sam.

"Sam has nothing to do with this. I need to find Lucifer." Castiel glared at Dean.

"Well, maybe if he hadn't taken advantage of you…"

Castiel stared at Dean, "What?"

Sam stammered, "I'm sorry, Cas."

"For what?" Castiel looked totally confused.

Sam and Dean stared at each other. Castiel looked between them. "What the hell is the matter with the both of you? Sam never took advantage of me and has nothing to apologize for. Do you two think I didn't know what I was doing? That I'm some sort of naïve idiot?"

Dean stared at Castiel. Castiel put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "We're fine, Sam. You have nothing to be sorry about. Dean, can I speak with you a few minutes?"

Sam left quickly, closing the door behind him. Castiel looked at Dean with narrowed eyes, "Just what are you accusing Sam of?"

Dean squirmed under Castiel's intent stare. Glimmers of blue light arced in his eyes. Dean gulped and licked his lips. "I thought he took advantage of you that led to your…umm…"

"Sam did nothing that I didn't agree to. He did not manipulate me. We comforted each other because we were upset. No different than the way you used to drown your pain in alcohol and women, only I did something with someone I actually care about. Sam helped me deal with losing you, and I helped him. We thought you were gone and it well, fucking hurt. I'm not ashamed of what Sam and I did nor do I really regret it. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go look for Lucifer." Castiel stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

He got as far as the garage, when he realized he didn't have a car still. Castiel punched the wall repeatedly until Sam came into the garage. Sam put a hand on Castiel's shoulder and said quietly, "I see you took anger management classes from Dean."

Castiel turned to face Sam. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"He's jealous. He looks at it as if we betrayed him, even though we thought he was dead," Sam paused. "You promised me you wouldn't leave."

Castiel rubbed his jaw. "You don't need me. Dean is back now."

Sam sighed. "He's only going to get worse if you leave, Cas. You don't know how messed up he was when you were possessed by Lucifer. You've been away from us a lot the last year. We've hardly seen you. Stay."

"Lucifer?"

"We'll hunt him down together." Sam sat on the Impala's hood. After a moment, Castiel joined him. Sam put his hand on top of Castiel. Castiel leaned and put his head on Sam's shoulder.

"Cas, are you sure that I didn't influence you to do something you didn't want to do?"

Castiel put a hand on either side of Sam's face and stared into his eyes. "What we did, I was a full participant in. I hesitated at first, that's true. But the decisions I made were my own."

Sam looked both relieved and doubtful. 

Castiel tilted his head and said with a half-smile, "I'm still the one that consistently screws up more than you."

"I think I caught up when I made you help Rowena cast the spell that let the Darkness loose." 

"Your brother is a hard man to love. You are much more lovable." Castiel gave Sam a crooked smile.

"You'll stay?"

"As long as you help me track down Lucifer. We need to put him back in the cage somehow."

Sam squeezed Castiel's hand. "I've also got to figure out having a mom. That's new to me."

"Can't help you there. I only had a father and not a very attentive one." Castiel stood up. "I need to sleep, Sam, and your mom has the guest room." 

Sam opened the Impala and pulled out his camping equipment. "Sleeping bag tonight and I'll get you a bed tomorrow?"

Castiel nodded and took the sleeping bag. "I'll go sleep in the dungeon. Dean won't notice me there, and I don't want to speak to him more tonight."

Castiel turned to walk away. Sam called out quietly to him, "I don't regret it either."

Castiel's flashed a smile in Sam's direction. "I'll be happy when my grace rebuilds itself. I'm tired of sleeping."

Sam walked towards his room, he could hear Dean rummaging in the kitchen. Sam glanced in. Dean had a beer in one hand and a microwave pizza in the other. Sam approached Dean. "Just so you know. The last three days, Castiel talked only about how much he cares for you. Even if I wanted a relationship with him, he wouldn't give me the time of day. He loves you. Get your head out of your ass before you lose him forever."

"Funny way of showing it."

"You're a hypocrite. You expect Cas to take whatever shards of attention you'll give him, while sleeping with others all the time. Cas makes out with someone else once and you lose your shit."

Dean took a long drink from his beer. "Not mad at Cas, mad at you. You know how I feel about him. And you slept with him. Brothers don't do that to each other."

"Use words, Dean. Don't expect me or Cas to read your mind. I love you, Dean. I'm happy you're back. Cas is in love with you, not me. I stopped him from going tonight by giving him a guilt trip. Fix things with him. If you don't, he'll get himself killed trying to take on Lucifer alone. We need him, Dean. Besides each other, and I guess Mom, he's all we got. Don't make us lose him too."


	6. Morning, Sunshine

Dean yawned the next morning, as he stumbled into the kitchen. Mary handed him a cup of coffee. Dean gave her an appreciative look, as she poured him a bowl of cereal and passed him the milk. “Sam said that’s the cereal you usually ate.”

“Where is Sasquatch?” Dean asked groggily. 

“He and Castiel took off earlier. He said they needed to buy a few things. Sam said they’ll be back in a few hours.” 

“Did they take my car?" Dean asked pointlessly, since he knew there was no other choice. Mary nodded.

Dean quietly drank his coffee and ate his cereal. He then stood up and rinsed the cup and bowl in the sink. "We have a shooting range, Mom. I feel like shooting stuff. You want to join me?"

Mary nodded and followed Dean to the shooting gallery. She was impressed by the size of the bunker and looked in wonder at everything. Dean smiled, remembering the sense of awe he and Sam had when they first found the bunker. After setting up the target for Mary, he was amazed at how good of shot she was. He tried handing her different handguns and rifles, but she shot everything with equal skill. Dean decided she was a better shot than him or Sam, but didn't admit it to his mother.

"Not bad, Mom. Not bad."

Dean looked at his watch. He and Mary had been in the firing range for three hours. "I think it's time for a break, Mom."

They went back to the library and heard banging and scraping noises coming from one of the empty rooms near Dean's. Dean approached the door carefully and swung it open to see Sam assembling a bed, cursing under his breath. Dean's eyes widened because Sam had also decorated the room. One wall hung a picture of a bee sitting on a flower, while on the other side was a picture of a waterfall. "What are you doing, Sam?"

"Setting up a bedroom for Cas. He's been sleeping lately, and we only have one guest room."

Dean looked concerned, "Why is he sleeping? He doesn't sleep. He watches, but he doesn't sleep."

Sam put down the screwdriver he was using to assemble the Ikea furniture. "Being Lucifer's vessel wasn't exactly good for him, Dean. Cas has been struggling lately with sleeping and his grace. Lucifer damaged both his vessel and his true self. You might notice that if you weren't so busy arguing with him." Sam glanced at his mother over the door. He didn't know how much Dean had told her. "One of the reasons for what you thought you saw is we were working on restoring his grace, while keeping my head above water over losing you."

Dean's face blanked out, emotionless. "Where's Cas now?"

"Drove the rental truck back to exchange it for Baby. I couldn't fit his furniture in the Impala. He should be back in a few minutes. We really need to get him a new car."

"You sure he won't take off after Lucifer?" Dean squatted down next to Sam to help him assemble the bed frame. Mary watched for a moment and then left down the hall.

"He promised me he wouldn't. He wanted to buy a few things. I asked him to bring back a few groceries too."

Dean snorted, "Because asking Cas to get groceries has worked so well in the past. Remember the time he brought back honey, pretzels, baloney, eggs, and pie. That was a hell of a strange dinner. But, at least he remembered the pie. I get getting him the bed, but was it your idea or his to decorate the room?"

Sam looked at Dean intently. "Mine. He actually protested me buying him things. While I was trying to sleep last night, I started wondering if Cas has never treated the bunker like a home, because we never made it one for him. We always want him to stay, but when have we ever really given him incentive too? Why the hell doesn't he have his own TV and Netflix account? When have we ever given him anything?"

"I gave him something once."

"I know. He told me about the mixtape. It was a nice gesture, Dean. But, Cas doesn't know what mixtapes mean."

Dean moved uncomfortably. "What do you mean? It was just my favorite music. Someone had to teach him about classic rock."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Mixtapes are one of the most romantic tropes that came out in the 70s, Dean. You give your girlfriend a mixtape."

Dean swallowed nervously and looked at Sam, "Did you ever…with a guy before?"

Sam stopped and looked carefully at Dean. His eyes revealed an internal struggle as Sam carefully considered his words. He sighed deeply before responding, "Yeah, in college. I was really confused when I got there. I missed you. I didn't really know how to be alone. Brady and I hit it off really well. We were good friends and then things progressed from there. He was my first real adult relationship. Then, suddenly he cooled down a lot and it hurt. A few weeks later he introduced me to Jess and I was gone, hook, line, and sinker. I figure that when he pulled back is when the demon probably possessed him. Then, he and Azazel threw me and Jess together just so they could mirror what they had done to Mom eventually. Brady was the only guy and only for a few months when I first started college."

Dean sat back on his haunches for a minute, realizing the enormity of what Sam just confessed. Azazel had not only taken away Sam's girlfriend, but his first relationship as well. Sam had later killed the demon that possessed Brady.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. You should have told me…"

Sam shrugged. "Honestly, back when we were young, I wasn't sure how you would have reacted. Now, I know you would have accepted it. We weren't on the same page back then as we are now. It's a rather painful memory." Sam looked at Dean with tears shimmering in his eyes. "If one thing I've learned from losing Brady and Jess, you shouldn't take things for granted. You should fight for what you want."

Dean focused on the bedframe, because he didn't know what to say. After a few minutes, the two of them had the bed assembled. Sam and Dean moved the mattress onto the bed frame. "Cool, Sam, you got him memory foam."

Sam shrugged, "You liked it so much. I got a few things for Mom's room too to make it homier. I didn't really get it when you started nesting when we first got the bunker. Now I do." Sam grabbed another bag against the wall. He pulled out a set of sheets and a blanket. "Make the bed for Cas. I'm going to take some things to Mom."

Sam turned to leave the room. Dean called after him softly, "Thank you."

Sam smiled and looked over his shoulder, "You're my big brother. I'd do anything for you."

Dean was making the bed, when Castiel walked into the room wearing a blue flannel shirt and jeans and carrying two large bags. He looked startled at Dean and put the bags down. "Hello, Dean."

"Morning, Sunshine. What do you think? All I did was help with the bed; the rest was all Sam. Do you like it?"

Castiel looked overwhelmed for a minute and swallowed. "Thank you, Dean. I…it's wonderful." Castiel stared around him and then said, "I need to put the groceries away."

Castiel turned and walked quickly to the kitchen. Dean glanced in the bags that Castiel had put down and saw they contained jeans and shirts. He smiled softly, before heading down the hallway after Castiel. When he got to the kitchen, Castiel was putting items into the refrigerator. He stared at the bottle of ketchup in his hand. He looked over his shoulder at Dean, "Ketchup, does it go in the refrigerator or the cabinet. I bought it off the shelf, but I think I remember it being in the refrigerator before?"

Dean took the ketchup from his hand and placed it on the counter. "Cabinet before opening and fridge after. Cas, I'm sorry."

Castiel looked impassively at Dean. "For what?"

"For being a complete and utter ass."

Castiel shrugged, "We're fine. Sam said he'll help me find Lucifer, and then we'll figure out what to do with him."

"Not just Sam, me too. We'll work together to put Lucifer back where he belongs. Cas…" Dean paused searching for words, "The bunker is your home. I'm sorry that I never made it one for you. I'm sorry that I kicked you out when you were human. I'm sorry I never thought to put bee pictures on your walls or to get you a memory foam mattress."

Castiel turned to face Dean, leaning against the counter. "A place isn't my home, Dean. You and Sam are my home, whether it is in the backseat of the Impala, the bunker, a smelly hotel room, or a salvage yard in South Dakota."

"Then don't leave home so often." Dean stepped closer to Castiel.

"Tell me you want me to stay." Castiel put a hand on each of Dean's shoulder.

"Stay with me, Cas. Stay with us. Please, don't go off and try to save the world alone anymore. Let's always do it together." Dean put his hands on Castiel's hips and pulled him towards him.

Castiel could feel Dean's breath upon his face. "Together?"

Dean kissed Castiel lightly. "Yes, together, dumbass. You, me, and Sam are just better together. Well, somethings we won't do all three together, obviously."

Castiel pressed his forehead against Dean's, right as Mary rounded the corner into the kitchen. "Excuse me," she said, backing out.

Dean pulled away from Castiel. "It's okay, Mom. It's lunch time. "

Castiel pulled a box out of one of the grocery bags, "I got cherry pie."

Dean gave Castiel a teasing look, "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "I think it is because I take care of the spiders for you. Dean is very uncomfortable around spiders, Mary. I have to come kill them for him."

"Hey, spiders can be lethal. You're immune…"

Mary laughed. "You two…"

Dean looked at her seriously for a moment. "Yes, us two…"

Mary looked between the two of them. "That makes me very happy, Dean."

Castiel looked confused between the two of them. It slowly dawned on him the implication that Dean had made. Castiel smiled at Mary. "Thank you, Mary. I'll just give you the pie or Dean will eat all of it before you get a piece. He really likes pie." Castiel handed the pie to Mary, and she sat down at the table.

Castiel retrieved some plates and forks.

Dean blinked at him, "Dude, we can't just have pie for lunch."

"You often do when Sam isn't around," Castiel smiled placidly.

Sam walked into the room. "What does he do when I'm not around?"

"Eat pies for meals," Castiel said as he put the plates and forks in front of Mary. He went over to a counter and grabbed a knife for Mary to cut the pie.

Sam gave Dean a bitchy look. "Dude, I promised I would stop nagging you about all the burgers you ate, if you promised not to just eat pie for meals."

"Pie is good for you. It has fruit filling. Fruit is nutritious, ergo, pie is good for you," Dean smirked at Sam.

Sam said, "Jerk."

Dean responded, "Bitch."

Castiel sat next at the table next to Mary and smiled. She started cutting the pie. 

"Dean, you aren't 25 anymore. You need to watch your diet before your cholesterol kills you," Sam looked irritated. "You want to survive the apocalypse, just so you die from a heart attack because you've eaten too many burgers and pies."

Castiel piped up, "I clean his arteries every time I heal him. In all actuality, he's unlikely to die of a heart attack."

Dean smiled, "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"I thought it was to buy you pie," Castiel retorted.

"Cas, you are enabling him." Sam frowned at Castiel.

"Don't pick on Cas. He has my best interests at heart." Dean poked Sam.

Dean and Sam kept bickering at each other, while Mary cut pieces of pie. Castiel leaned over and whispered into her ear, "This means everything is close to normal. This is a good thing."

Mary smiled at Castiel and handed him the first piece of pie. Dean interrupted, "He doesn't eat. And why does he get the first piece?"

Castiel looked serenely at Dean and scooped up part of the pie on his fork. As he tasted it, he closed his eyes and made a small moaning noise. Castiel savored the taste for a moment. Being low on grace allowed him to taste more than usual, so it didn't taste like a random grouping of molecules for once. Dean licked his lips as he watched Castiel.

Mary smiled and joked, "Maybe, he's my favorite of you boys." She pinched Castiel's cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled appreciatively. 

Dean grumbled as he took a piece of pie from Mary. "Moms aren't supposed to have favorites." He attacked the pie savagely with his fork and jammed his mouth full of food. Mary watched him, taken aback. "Could you eat that any faster?"

Dean paused with the fork in midair and answered with his mouth full, "No, no, I cannot."

Sam shook his head at Mary's offer at pie and pulled out the ingredients to make himself a salad. "You want a salad, Mom?"

"Yes, Sam, please. I'm actually with you on the pie as a meal thing. Dean, remember I told you that you could only have pie after you ate," Mary smiled, remembering the four-year-old version of Dean.

Dean nodded, "You cut off the crust of my sandwiches."

Sam froze and stared into the refrigerator, grimacing for a second. Castiel intervened, "Well, now that I know your mother does not think you should eat pie without a meal, I shall endeavor to ensure you always eat a proper meal first." 

Dean glared at Castiel, as he stuck another piece of pie in his mouth.

Sam silently assembled two salads and put Mary's in front of her. Mary smiled gratefully.

"So, what do we do now?" Mary asked. "Look for Lucifer? Should we order weather reports from the weather bureau and see if we see demonic omens?"

"We don't need to order those anymore," Dean answered, "We can look up stuff on the internet. The same way we looked up the traffic cams to figure out where these two went."

After lunch, Dean and Sam went to the library to search on their laptops for signs of Lucifer, while Castiel cleaned the kitchen. Mary stared over the boys' shoulders, amazed by what they could do. After Castiel was finished in the kitchen, he went down the hallway to his room, and started unpacking the bags of clothes he bought into his dresser.

Dean leaned in the doorway and tossed Castiel a duffle bag. "Always keep one set in there, so you can grab it and run when we need to jump on a case quickly."

"I can mostly keep my clothes clean. I'm just a little low…"

"Yeah, Sam told me." Dean looked up and down at Castiel. "You look good in jeans and flannel, Cas. You should wear that all the time."

"Well, I cannot hide my angel blade in this outfit. So, I need to make some modifications."

"I have a jacket you can have. You can keep it in that," Dean stared at Castiel and licked his lips slowly. Castiel stared at him intently. "Cas, I wish I was more like Sam. He can wear his feelings on his sleeve and talk about them. I can't…well, I can't do that. The way that I kept me and Sam safe growing up was to act like an arrogant son of a bitch that everything bounced off of. Sam has all the flowery words and poetic statements. I'm just an uneducated bastard from the school of hard knocks."

Castiel frowned and approached Dean. "Do not sell yourself short. You are special, Dean. You are much more intelligent than you will admit to or believe. I love Sam, but you are everything. You give me purpose and meaning. I need you."

"Why? I see you and Sam talking and you are off in nerd land together, and I'm just watching the two of you like a tennis match."

Castiel frowned, "Dean, you and Sam are very different. You lead with your heart; Sam leads with his head. You are the heart and soul of the three of us. You make us do the right thing, even if it's the harder or more painful choice. Your soul is incredibly beautiful. I saw this when I first saved you from hell. It's different. It's what I see when I look at you."

Dean tried to imagine himself as Castiel saw him. "I've made some really bad choices, like taking the Mark of Cain or letting Gadreel in Sam. I've been so damn stupid."

"For the right reasons, Dean."

"Well, that's what you did with Lucifer. You were the only one of us capable of taking him. It was the right decision, but it hurt you. Are you really ok?"

Castiel looked tired for a moment. "Dean, I promise you I will be fine. I just need a little bit more time."

"Could we fix your wings? Could there be lore that tells us how to fix your wings? I just accepted that your wings were gone for good; I never once thought we should take the time to try to fix them. There's so many things that I should have thought about for you. Like this room. Sam thought to make you a place for you. I just shoved you into the guest room and let it go at that. But you aren't a guest, you are part of our family."

"I don't know of any way that will fix my wings. I miss them but I can live without them."

"I can't…live without you," Dean pulled Castiel close. 

Castiel replied softly, "Yet, you always expect me to live without you. You are always willing to sacrifice yourself. What about me, Dean? What do I become without you?"

"Let's try not to find that out." Dean held Castiel tight for several minutes. Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean slowly released Castiel. "It's been a hell of a four days. You contained Lucifer, I was a bomb, I played Dr. Phil for Amara and Chuck, I got Mom back, I had to chase you down, and now this. Cas, can we take things slow?"

Castiel tilted his head and smiled, "Haven't we always?"

"But with Sam, you…"

Castiel frowned, "That is highly unlikely to ever happen again unless I am led to believe you obliterated your soul. Sam is like a brother to me."

Dean's mouth twitched, but he remained quiet.

"Dean?" Castiel looked at him intently.

"In my last rousing speech to you in the Impala, I said you were like a brother. That was patently untrue."

Castiel snorted, "We both knew better than that." Castiel leaned towards Dean and kissed him.


	7. Blue Sky

Castiel woke up in his new bed. It was odd for him for him to sleep, but even odder to be surrounded by things that were his. In the time since creation, the only things he had considered his was his angel blade, the original trench coat that Jimmy Novak had been wearing when he possessed him, the mixed tape that Dean had given him, and the car that Metatron had stolen. He sat up in bed and stretched. Dean had given him a pair of sweatpants since Castiel hadn't thought to buy something to sleep in. Castiel went to his dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt. He padded quietly to the showers, trying not to wake anyone up.

He put his clothes down on the counter, stepped out of his sweatpants, and entered the shower. He probably had enough grace to keep himself clean the usual way by now, but he enjoyed the feeling of the water pressure as he stepped under the shower head. He helped himself to some of Sam's shampoo and washed his hair. He smiled as he remembered how much he enjoyed his first shower at the bunker, but then faltered as he remembered Dean kicking him out shortly after. He knew it was because of Gadreel, but it still hurt. He had never told Dean about everything that had happened between the time Dean kicked him out and when he started working for Nora at Gas N Sip. He never wanted to tell Dean. Dean already felt guilty enough without knowing the hardships that Castiel had gone through. 

Castiel turned off the shower and grabbed a towel from the shelf. He dried himself quickly and then slipped on his jeans and t-shirt. He hung the towel over the rack, grabbed his sweatpants, and headed back into the hallway. He walked barefoot up the hallway and ran into Sam as he turned the corner, nearly toppling over. Sam reached out and grabbed Castiel to steady him and prevent him from falling. They stood closely.

"Hello, Sam, and thank you," Castiel smiled up at Sam. "For everything, the room, the posters, it was all too much."

Sam hugged Castiel for a moment. "No problem, Cas. I'm happy you liked it. You used my shampoo. Dean's going to love that jasmine scent." Sam rolled his eyes.

"I hope you don't mind that I used some."

Sam grinned. "Not at all. If you are going to take showers routinely, we should try to find a shampoo you like. My stuff is for longer hair, and you probably need something different." Sam ran his fingers through Castiel's hair. "Maybe some hair gel to keep in more under control." Sam stopped when he realized that Dean stood further down the hall glowering at them. Sam took a step back from Castiel. Castiel looked at him confused, but then glanced over his shoulder to see what Sam was staring at.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said. "I hope you slept well."

Dean said stiffly, "Morning, Cas. Sam. I have pancakes in the kitchen if you all want some. Mom really wanted pancakes, but I found out she can't cook worth a damn. She always got take out when I was a kid. No wonder so many of my memories of her are making me PB&Js."

Sam froze, while Castiel walked towards Dean, squeezed his hand for a moment, and then headed to his room to put his sweat pants away and his boots on.

Dean locked eyes with Sam. "How you doing today, Sammy?"

Sam bristled a little from the childhood nickname. "I'm fine, Dean. Cas and I were just talking about shampoo."

"Didn't ask you what you were talking about. Come get some pancakes and talk to Mom." Dean headed back to the kitchen without looking back. 

Sam just stood there, the tension radiating out of his shoulders. Castiel emerged from his room and started to head for the kitchen but noticed Sam still standing there. He walked back over to Sam, "Everything ok, Sam?"

Sam smiled weakly. "Yeah, it's just… Dean has all these memories of Mom and is so relaxed with her. I don't have any. I don't know what or how to say things to her."

Castiel looked at him reassuringly, "Don't needlessly complicate things, Sam. Treat her like you treat Jody and over time, you two will form a relationship. It might not be the traditional mom-son dynamic since you didn't meet her until you were an adult, but she'll become family." Castiel patted Sam on the back and then turned to head into the kitchen. Sam followed him closely.

Mary was sitting at the table, eating pancakes and bacon. She smiled at Castiel and Sam. "Hi, boys. I thought Dean and I were going to end up eating alone. And he made way too many pancakes for the two of us."

Dean snorted. "You haven't seen how much Sam can pack away. Apparently, being a moose requires a lot of calories."

Sam sat next to Mary at the table, and Dean brought him a plate of food. Castiel poured him and Sam a cup of coffee and sat across the table from him. Sam smiled at Mary, "Mornin', Mom."

Dean turned at the stove, towards Castiel. "Food for you, sunshine?"

Castiel smiled at him, "No thank you, Dean. I'm not hungry today."

Dean grabbed his plate and sat next to Castiel. Dean took a bite from his bacon and sighed appreciatively. 

Mary asked, "What are the plans for today?"

Sam started, "I think…"

Dean interrupted him, "Well, we got nada on the internet yesterday. I figure I might hit up Crowley to see if he's heard anything."

Sam started again, "We could…"

Dean interrupted him again, "And if Crowley hasn't heard anything, I'll contact Jody and see if anything odd is coming over the police wires."

Sam glared at Dean, while Castiel moved uncomfortably in his chair. Mary looked between her two sons.

Castiel asked forcefully, "As you were saying, Sam?"

Sam nodded to Castiel, "We could try to contact Rowena to see if she might have a location spell."

Dean said sarcastically, "And we want to bring a witch back into this, why?"

"Because she's the one that might have enough power…"

"No friggin' witches," Dean exploded, slamming his fist on the table.

Mary pushed her chair back suddenly. She got up and walked swiftly out of the room. 

Sam yelled at Dean, "What is your problem, Dean? What the hell is up with you today?"

Castiel interrupted sternly, "Sam, could you go make sure Mary's ok?" Although Castiel broached it as a question, it sounded more like a command. Sam got up without another word and left the room. Castiel's eyes bored into Dean's. "Why are you being so crappy to Sam? What is the matter with you Dean?" Castiel's gravelly voice rumbled with anger.

"He wanted to bring witches…"

"No, Dean, you were being an assbutt to him before that. Why?" Dean started to shift uncomfortably on the chair under Castiel's glare. Castiel reached out and put his hand on top of Dean's. Castiel tilted his head, waiting for a response. "Dean?"

"I am going to go for a drive, Cas. I need to put my head on straight. It's not Sam or you or Mom, it's me."

"Would you like me to come with you?" Castiel looked at Dean calmly.

Before Dean could reply, Sam walked back into the room and said coldly, "Dean, you need to go talk to Mom. She's talking about leaving."

Dean sighed and heaved himself out of the chair. "I'm sorry I'm a dick, Sam." He walked out of the room.

Castiel arched an eyebrow at Sam, "Do you know why Dean is acting like that?"

"He's jealous I think. It's funny, because the two of us are jealous at the same time for different reasons. He's jealous from when he saw us talking in the hallway. I don't think he's going to let go of what happened between us. And I'm jealous of him, because he has a relationship with Mom that I've never had and if she leaves, I never will have."

Castiel stood up. "This is why I thought I should leave. I'm complicating your family relationships."

"You are part of the family, Cas. Stay or go, you are still one of us. It's better we try to work it out and get everyone on the same page. I think we should let Crowley handle hunting Lucifer for a while and just work on family," Sam said softly.

Castiel looked irritated, "You told me you would help…"

"Cas, we are so dysfunctional right now that we'll get all of us killed. I'm going to talk to Crowley and try to broker a deal that he'll hunt Lucifer and we'll help him take him down when the time comes. After that, I'll research and try to see if there's a spell we can use to put Lucifer back in the cage."

Cas sighed deeply. "I am impatient at the delay, but I also know you are right. We need a plan."

Sam hugged Castiel for a moment. "It will all work out, Cas. What was it you said…'We'll just do our best, one day at a time.'"

\----

Dean approached the Mary's room and softly knocked on the door. Mary opened it and looked at Dean warily.

"Mom, I’m sorry about my behavior. I was a di…errr…jerk. I'm a sarcastic ass. And, well, frankly, I'm still a little spun out by everything that happened." Dean stared at the ground.

Mary opened the door wider, "Come in, Dean, and talk it out with me."

"I'm not much for talking, Mom. I'm not good at saying stuff about feelings."

Mary sat on the bed and patted the mattress next to her. Dean shuffled over and sat down. As he glanced around the room, he realized that Sam had gotten Mary larger versions of their few childhood photos and hung them on the wall. He also had also gotten her a television and some books. "Nice digs, Mom."

"Sam is sweet. You did a good job with him. He told me a bit about your childhood. I have to admit that I'm disappointed with your father." Mary sighed.

"Mom, I think that Dad did the best he could with the hand he had been dealt. For a long time, I was angry at him. But the older I get and the more loses we've had, I get it. I really do."

Mary picked up John Winchester's journal from her bedside table. "Sam gave me this to look through. It's hard, but I understand what he must have been going through. I never should have hidden my family's business from him. If I had been truthful, maybe things would have turned out differently. But enough about that, what's going on with you, Dean?"

Dean started slowly, "Well, it's Cas… I…" Dean trailed off.

"You have feelings for him. I can see that with every glance." Mary smiled. "It's actually kind of adorable."

Dean looked away from Mary and towards a wall. "It's just…Cas and I always had this strong connection, but Cas and Sam were friends. I never minded that. Cas and I never acted on our feelings for each other. It was enough just to know Cas was out there, you know. If this hadn't all happened, I'd probably would still be in a state of denial. But, knowing, he and Sam…and they are in each other's personal space now. I'm mad at Sam, but the rational part of me is saying I shouldn't be. It's no big deal, right? They both thought I was dead."

Mary said soothingly, "It's as big of a deal as you make it. You either accept it happened and move on, or you let it bother you and alienate Sam and Castiel. I see that they are really close. But, Castiel doesn't look at Sam the way he looks at you."

"I'm not worried about Cas, Mom. Does Sam look at Cas the same way I look at Cas? Do you think Sam cares…"

Mary shrugged, "I'm not a mind reader, Dean. I think you need to ask Sam what he feels. My impression is that Sam knows that Cas cares for you very deeply and that even if Sam had deeper feelings for him that they would be unrequited. Cas only has eyes for you when you are in the room. Dean, think of how your father reacted to the grief of losing me. He packed up a young boy and a baby into a car and took off hunting down a demon he knew nothing about. Your father was always a sensible man, but grief turned him into something that I'm struggling to understand."

Dean turned to look at Mary again. He hugged her briefly. "Mom, thank you. I think Amara was right; we did need you."

\-----

Dean approached Sam as he was reading a book of lore in the library. Sam had a book open and was taking notes furiously. He quietly said, "Sam, you want to go for a drive with me? Mom's good for now."

Sam gave Dean an appraising look. After a moment, he replied, "Sure, Dean."

Sam followed Dean to the Impala. They got in the car and Dean drove to a wide, open field. He stopped the car and pulled a cooler out of the backseat. Without saying a word, he pulled out two beers, popped their lids, and handed one to Sam. Dean sat on the hood of the Impala and looked off in the distance for a moment. "I'm sorry, Sam. When I found Mom, I should have immediately called you and told you I was ok." 

Sam sat on the hood next to Dean, taking a long drink from the bottle. "I shouldn't have gone off half-cocked like I did and leave the phones behind, Dean. I just…I really thought this time you were gone. Cas was sure that there'd be nothing left of you for him to retrieve from Heaven or Hell."

"Well, if I just had bothered to think two seconds and called one of you, things would have gone differently. Even as I drove Mom back to the bunker, you and Cas wouldn't have gone through all that hell if I had just called you." Dean looked away from Sam, as he drained his beer bottle. He slipped off the Impala and started to grab another beer from the cooler. He thought better of that, shrugged, and put the cooler on the hood of the Impala between them. He sat back down and pulled another beer out.

Sam started, "Dean, about Cas and me and what happened…"

"Sam, me being bothered by that is on me. Not on you or Cas."

"I want to talk about it, Dean." Sam gave Dean an imploring look.

"Ok, talk."

"It wasn't like I waited until you were out of the picture to take a shot at Cas. We were just caught in the moment."

Dean looked up at the sky, "I get that, Sam. Really, I do. The problem is me. I never wanted to think too hard about my relationship with Cas, you know. It just was. Like oxygen or gravity, you don't have to see it or think about it, but it still works. I never once thought to myself, does Cas want more? You know that I pretty much gave up women, except for once in a while and usually after excessive drinking, years ago. It's because I realized it bothered Cas. I care a lot about Cas, but I never said it like that. I always said need not love. But, hell, I think I explored most of Purgatory because I couldn't bear to leave without him, and I got Lucifer and Cas tortured because I kept wanted to expel Lucifer out of Cas instead of concentrating on Amara. I can't live without him."

"He's my best friend, besides you, Dean. He's our family. But, I don't love him the same way…"

"Bullshit, Sammy."

"What?"

Dean shook his head slightly. "I'm calling it as I see it, Sam. I gave up on Cas when he thought he was God and being influenced by Leviathans. You didn't. You believed in him and prayed for him to let us help. I friggin' gave up on him. Every single time when I've come down hard on Cas since he pulled you back from hell, you stood up for him. Well, after you got your soul back."

"You're the one who tried to rescue him from Lucifer. I kept arguing against it." Sam slid off the car and balled his fists, glaring at Dean.

"Because you respected his choice. I didn't. And because I didn't, I got him hurt worse."

"Dean…"

"Be honest with yourself, Sam."

Sam snorted, "Because you are always so honest with yourself. Why are you doing this, Dean? You know who Cas loves, and it isn't me."

Dean looked defeated, "I don't really know, Sam. I don't really know."

Sam walked several yards away from the car and stared off in the distance. He finally said softly, "We live in a crazy little bubble world where we only allow a few people in. Lines get blurred where things start and end sometimes. We can't have a life. Every person I ever loved died, except Amelia and I left her. It's like I care for Eileen, but I know if I let her near, she'll die too. How are we supposed to live like this, Dean? Are we even living anymore?"

"Honestly, I'm so tired, Sam. I don't know what to think. All roads lead back to the same place. We are in the same friggin' place we were ten years ago. When is Lucifer going to get the idea to come after you again? I'm petrified to go anywhere near Detroit, because he always said it would end there. Chuck and Amara go off to some sort of happily ever after, while we are stuck trying to fix this crappy world over and over again. And what's our reward? When do we get a break?" A tear streamed down Dean's face. "Every day is putting one foot in front of the other to move forward. Just got to keep grinding."

Sam turned around and look at Dean. "You have Cas."

"And I'll screw it up with him if I go any further with it."

"Trust Cas and trust yourself. The two of you have been through so much together. Nothing is going to break you apart. It's worth it, Dean."

"And what about you, Sam?" Dean growled.

Sam stared at Dean. "Maybe you'll inspire me to take a chance on Eileen. Look, I'll be the first to applaud you and Cas really getting together. You two deserve each other. Just understand that Cas is my best friend too and that won't ever change. Be confident enough that Cas will never betray you, and I'm your brother and always have your back. You have this, Dean. I have faith in you and your unicorn."

Dean looked quizzically at him, "My what?"

"Never mind, just something Meg said once."

Dean nodded and pulled two more beers from the cooler. The brothers settled next to each other on the Impala's hood again and lazily watched the clouds move across the sky.


	8. Together

Mary was alone at the kitchen table drinking coffee when Castiel joined her. She was staring at Sam's iPad, reading news articles. Castiel poured himself a cup and sat next to her.

He smiled at Mary reassuringly. "This must be difficult for you. I remember my first moments on Earth. It was jarring."

"One word for it. I grew up with Hunters. I've heard of people coming back from the dead before. But to actually do it... after 30 years. A lot's changed." Mary gestured at the iPad. "Last time I saw a computer; the words were like green dots on black backgrounds. Now, you can watch movies on them."

Castiel smiled. "I personally don't trust computers. When I try to use them, it never ends well."

"I'm not trying to be rude, Castiel. I'm just trying to understand. If you are an angel, why are you here and not in Heaven?" Mary tried to soften the words by smiling at him.

Castiel sighed and his shoulders drooped some. "I was not a very good angel. Sam and Dean were being used as pawns in a very large, corrupt game of chess. I found that I more inclined towards humanity's best interests instead of angelic concerns, and rebelled to help Dean and Sam. Heaven is not very fond of me anymore. There's a lot of what Dean would call, bad water under the bridge. My home is with Dean and Sam now. I'm not welcome in Heaven. The boys are my family."

"Thank you for taking care of them for me," Mary leaned over and patted Castiel's arm.

"I think often times it is them taking care of me. Like I said, I'm not a very good angel much of the time. But we muddle along and do our best. We save the world more often than we break it, so that's a good thing. We tore up the rule book and started making it up as we went along. We averted the first apocalypse, but then it got a bit messier. "

Mary sipped her coffee, "May I ask a personal question?"

"Of course. If it's in my power, I'll answer it."

"How long have you loved Dean?" 

Castiel froze a moment. "That's a difficult question to answer, Mary. I believe the answer is 8 years, 25 days, and 22 minutes. However, I had many layers of a proverbial onion to peel before I came to realize what it was. It was the moment I first put my hand on him and raised him from perdition. His soul was damaged, but even after everything he endured in hell, it was the most beautiful soul I had ever seen."

Mary shuddered, "They both went through so much because of me…"

"Mary, they exist because of you. And because they exist, humanity was saved, and an apocalypse averted. You should be proud of everything they have achieved. I am humbled to be a small part of that."

"I never wanted this for them. I feel so guilty," Mary looked into her coffee cup sadly. 

Castiel reached out and held one of her hands. "Mary, all of this is not on you. You were manipulated too. Everything was supposed to be preordained destiny. What Azazel did to you, what happened to the boys, it was all carefully orchestrated by powers you cannot begin to comprehend. For a while, I was complicit in that plan. But the more I interacted with Dean and Sam, the more I knew that we had to change destiny. "

"It's a lot to take in."

Castiel tilted his head and smiled, "I am always available to talk, Mary. I know how it feels not to belong somewhere all the way."

They heard the bunker door clang and a few minutes later, Sam and Dean walked in. Dean looked oddly at Castiel holding hands with Mary, and Castiel withdrew his hand. 

"How are things here?" Dean asked broadly.

Castiel replied, "Things here are good. Did you two have a good drive?"

Sam clapped Castiel on the back. "We cleared the air. Everything is cool." 

"So, we can continue our search for Lucifer now?" Castiel looked between the brothers.

Dean frowned. "Sure, cut to the chase, Cas. We'll get right on that this second."

Castiel sat up straighter in his chair, "I'm sure you can have a cup of coffee first."

Sam laughed. Castiel looked at him quizzically. 

Dean exhaled, "God, I missed you, Cas."

"You've actually spent more time with my Father than me lately. And I still have this rather bitter Lucifer…..aftertaste?" Castiel grimaced.

Dean reached over and tousled his hair. Castiel frowned at him and tried to straighten it. Dean looked at Mary, "We probably need to get you some additional clothes and um…whatnot, Mom. Why don't you and Sam take the Impala and go get whatever you need."

Sam nodded, "I need to go get something too."

"Okay, we can do that." Mary stood up and followed Sam out. Dean grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in the chair next to Castiel. A few minutes later the bunker door clanged.

"Sorry, Cas. We need to shelf the Lucifer search until tomorrow. Sam needs quality time alone with Mom."

Castiel nodded, "That makes sense. Sam is very insecure in his relationship with Mary. It will take time for them to bond. Perhaps, we can start. I tried to use the computer…"

"And I need quality time with you." Dean looked at Cas seriously.

Castiel blinked and responded, "Oh."

"Cas, with everything that's happened…"

"Dean, you said take it slow. That is fine. I'm good with slow. You do not need to feel pressured…"

Dean stared intently into Castiel's eyes. "What if slow isn't what I want anymore. Is slow what you really want?"

Castiel gulped slightly and licked his lips. "I don't want you to regret anything, Dean. What we have, we know. It's solid and stability is good. Upsetting the applecart might not be prudent…"

Dean leaned over and kissed Castiel fully. He stood up and pulled Castiel up with him. Dean pulled him close. He started kissing Castiel's neck, nipping him slightly. Castiel exhaled and shivered. Dean murmured, "As much as your trench coat can be sexy at times, I like it better with you just in a t-shirt." He pulled the back of Castiel's t-shirt up, slipped a hand underneath it, and started stroking Castiel's back. Dean captured Castiel's lips again, kissing him more passionately. Castiel pressed himself even closer to Dean. His mind was just a swirl of colors and emotions at that moment. 

Dean stepped backwards. "Cas, I need you. Always here. Not wandering off. With us."

Castiel closed his eyes, still breathing hard. "I told you. I'll stay."

Dean reached out and stroked Castiel's cheek. "I mean, before we go any further. I know you can't promise never to need to go research things or do stuff if Heaven calls. But, we need complete honesty from this point forward. Me not going off and getting the Mark of Cain, you not going off to say yes to Lucifer. No more hiding, no more second guessing, no more lying, no more protecting the other from truths that might hurt. This is it for me. I'm laying it out all on the line. I lo…" Dean hesitated, and then said more strongly, "I love you. Your nerdy, dorky angel ways. Your blue eyes. Your messy hair. How cranky you get if we run out of coffee. How you crackle with energy right before I'm sure I've finally made you mad enough to smite me."

Castiel hesitated and then slammed into Dean hard enough that he almost fell over. Castiel pinned Dean to the wall and started kissing him everywhere with exposed skin, his lips, his neck, his ear lobes. Dean was a little dazed. In between kisses, Castiel growled, "I will…not…hide…things…from…you….any…more." Castiel started trying to push Dean's flannel shirt off his shoulders. "I love you."

Dean pushed back gently. "Whoa, tiger. We'd better get to the bedroom with this. I don't want to scar Sam and Mom forever."

Castiel breathed in deeply and took a step back. He then grabbed Dean and carried him effortlessly to Dean's room. He dropped him on the bed and pushed on the flannel shirt again. This time Dean let him remove it. Castiel pulled Dean's t-shirt over his head, practically half ripping it off him. Castiel pinned Dean to the bed and feathered kisses over his chest and neck. "Uh, Cas?" Dean moaned.

Castiel paused and held himself off Dean for a moment. "Yes?"

"Are you always going to be like this?"

Castiel stood up suddenly. "I’m sorry, Dean." He pulled his t-shirt down in back. "I didn't mean to step over boundaries."

Dean pulled Castiel down, tugging Castiel's t-shirt off while doing so. "Didn't say I minded it. Just wondered if I can always look forward to it."

Castiel pinned him down again and started nuzzling his neck. "I don't know. Never did anything like this before." He nipped Dean's neck. "I mean, I've watched humans copulate since the dawn of time, but my own single experience was rather traumatic in the end." He bit Dean's shoulder gently. "So, I honestly have no idea what I'm doing." Castiel smiled at Dean wolfishly.

"Well, I've never done it with a dude. But I think we can figure it out." Castiel started grinding against him relentlessly. "But we might want to take our pants off. Cas, I'm going to soon. Oh my…" Dean gasped as Castiel used his angel powers to remove the offending garments. 

Castiel moaned, "Got most my grace back…"

Dean's vision, as well as most of the lights in the room, exploded.

\------

Sam drove the Impala to the nearest Walmart. He looked over at his mother a few times. She stared at the Kansas grasslands. 

She said softly, "Riding in this car reminds me of your father." She looked over at Sam. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Sam. I want to be there for you now. For whatever you want to talk about, whenever you want to talk about it. It's hard, because I remember my little baby Sam. But I see him in you. You, even at a young age, were so independent and strong."

Sam kept his eyes on the road. "Mom, it's been a chaotic couple of days. Some of which you have not seen me or Dean at our best." He glanced over at her. "I'm sorry that you've been thrown in the deep end of the pool without a life vest. I'm sorry you had to spend your first couple of days back on Earth hunting me and Cas down. And finally, I'm sorry if that thing with Cas made everything awkward. I'm not, however, sorry that you came back. I used to dream what it would be like to have a mother."

"I'm proud of the way you and Dean turned out, even if I wasn't a part of it."

"You actually were a part of it, the whole way. Those pictures that I put on your wall -- those are scans of pictures that Dean has carried with him wherever we went for years. Dean talked to you all the time. Whenever Dean had to make a touch decision, he'd stare at the picture like he wondered what you would think. I almost lost him once -- but your picture and the love he always carried for you, brought him back. Dad wouldn't talk about you, but Dean did whenever Dad was gone."

Sam looked startled when she started crying. "I’m sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to…"

"No, Sam. I'm just happy I'm here, wishing I hadn't missed you growing up. I'm glad Dean remembered me."

Sam asked, "Did Dean tell you that I met a younger version of you once when we had to go back in time?"

"Yes, but my memory had been wiped."

"When we knocked on your door and we saw you, all I could do was stare at you. Even when we sat down on the couch. It totally creeped Dad out. I thought he was going to wipe the floor with me. I just couldn't get this stupid grin off my face while I watched you." Sam smiled.

Mary laughed. "I wish I could remember that."

"I wonder if Cas could restore the memory. We could ask him."

"What's it like having an angel as a best friend?"

Sam thought for a minute. "I was in awe of him first. But, at first, he was sort of a di…err…jerk. I was disillusioned with the whole concept of angels and God after meeting him and another one named Uriel. But over time, Cas changed for the better. Dean rubbed off on him and he became a rebellious, smart ass. We've been through so much together. Cas has been there through all the chaos. He's suffered for being our friend though. More than I think Dean realizes."

"How long have you known Dean loved him?" Mary watched Sam's profile.

"Well, I knew he and Dean had this special bond since the beginning. They were always tethered together. Dean and I got separated for a year early on, and Cas ignored me. When Dean called him, he came. But, I think I first figured out Dean was in love with him when we thought Cas died. Cas' trench coat was pretty much all that was left of him that we could find after the Leviathans were done with him. Dean folded up that damn trench coat and carried it with him everywhere. Everywhere! He even carried it into hotel rooms sometimes. You don't do that unless you are really in love with someone." Sam gave a short laugh, "Bobby, our sort of surrogate dad, use to ask me if I thought Dean slept with it. I never saw evidence of it, but it wouldn't have surprised me. Cas didn't come back for months after that. When he did, he wound up in a catatonic state from healing me. We were really without him for about a year. Then he came back for a short time, and then both he and Dean were gone for a year. That's not a particularly happy time of my life. Dean came back without Cas at first. It was difficult to watch. I hope that Cas is back to stay this time. It's hard on both of them when they are separated."

"Well, somehow I get the feeling that Castiel is sticking around for a while."

Sam smiled, "Yeah, I think so this time. Hope it sticks."

"Have you had anyone special?" Mary looked at him.

"Not good luck there, Mom. I've lost people. But there's this hunter I met. She's deaf, but still hunts. She's incredible. Her name is Eileen. I think… Someday, maybe… When I'm ready…" Sam trailed off.

Mary arched an eyebrow at him, "You know, Sam, you can't get time back. If you think you have a shot at something, every day you let pass is a day you lost later."

Sam smiled at her as he turned into the parking lot of the store.

\-----

Dean woke up when he heard the clang of the bunker door, followed by voices. Castiel was asleep next to him. Luckily, Cas had cleaned them up before falling asleep. Dean carefully unwrapped himself from the angel and pulled on his jeans and shirt. He knew he would need to find new lightbulbs later, as he stumbled in the dark. After he dressed, he nudged Castiel gently and whispered, "Mom and Sam are back." Castiel grunted and pulled a pillow over his head.

Dean frowned at him. Castiel was a sound sleeper when he bothered to sleep.

Dean walked to the library where Sam was sitting. Dean asked, "How'd things go with Mom?"

Sam smiled, "Great, we had a nice long talk. I guess things went pretty great with Cas." Sam pointed at Dean's chest. The t-shirt was inside out. 

Dean blushed. "Crap." He pulled the shirt off over his head and pulled it back on the correct way. Sam laughed and pointed at Dean's chest. Dean pulled up his shirt and found a large hickey near his right shoulder. Dean's face turned redder.

"Dude, it's fine. I'm glad you had a good time." Sam smiled.

"You're not uncomfortable?" Dean questioned.

"Not, one little bit. Now, I prefer not to watch you and Cas. So, if you are going to do something, separate hotel rooms are a requirement from now on. And for the love of Chuck, if you two do something in the shower, clean up after your damn selves. I remember that time you had what's her name, Melinda, in the shower at the one hotel. You ripped up the shower curtain, broke the towel rack, and wound up with shampoo across the entire floor."

"Good times, Sammy, good times." Dean smirked at him.

Sam snorted, "You try that now, and Cas will smite you."

"Smite who?" Castiel stumbled in the room. He was dressed, but his hair was even more tousled than ever, and he was yawning widely. "Who do I need to smite?" He practically fell into a chair.

"Geez, Dean. What did you do to him?" Sam stared.

Castiel blinked at Sam. "Why ask stupid questions? You know what he did to me." Sam broke out laughing, while Dean looked startled. Castiel yawned again, "Sam, do you know where the extra lightbulbs are. I managed to break all the ones in Dean's room."

Sam smirked, "I’m not even going to ask." Sam stood up and walked down the hallway, returning with a six pack of bulbs. 

"Thank you, Sam." Castiel stood up and staggered back down the hallway.

Dean rubbed his chin. "I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?"

"Nope, never."


	9. Thunder Rolls

The next day, Sam caught wind of a simple salt-and-burn that needed to be done about fifty miles away. Mary was interested in going, but Dean shut her down.

"Mom, I would take you, but Cas is still low on grace. He can't go on a case yet, and I don't want to leave him alone." Dean stared over her shoulder at Castiel, mentally willing him to agree.

Castiel didn't say anything for a moment, but suddenly realized what Dean was doing. "Yes, Mary. I'm still feeling a little rough around the edges. I need another day or two of rest before going out."

Mary looked at Castiel suspiciously. "You were out buying furniture two days ago."

Castiel looked lost for a moment, but then responded, "I overdid it. I went shopping, and then Dean and I…"

"Stop right there, Cas. The other part is too much information to share." Dean blushed.

Castiel stopped talking and looked awkwardly between Mary and Dean.

"Mom, I promise next one. This is just an overnight trip. Sam and I will hit the graveyard, salt and burn, and be back before bedtime the next day."

Castiel made a coughing and wheezing noise. Mary sighed. "Ok. I'll stay here and take care of Cas. I won't be benched forever, Dean. If my boys are out hunting, I'm going with them."

After Dean and Sam left, Castiel invited Mary to watch television with him. They settled on Castiel's new bed, while he turned on a Dr. Sexy marathon. 

Castiel looked at Mary, "This is Dean's favorite show. He really enjoys Dr. Sexy."

Mary watched in fascination at the doctor's romantic liaisons. "This is really Dean's favorite show? A soap opera?" Mary raised an eyebrow.

"I think it has to do with the Dr. Sexy's boots. Dean loves cowboy boots. He's made me watch many westerns with him, but I think his favorite is Tombstone."

"I've not seen that one."

Castiel opened a cabinet under the television and pulled out a DVD. He put in the player and sat back down with Mary to settle in to watch it. Castiel said, "Dean really loves cowboys."

\-----

As Dean drove the Impala to the graveyard for the salt and burn, Sam said, "So, you and Cas are a couple now… Like for real?"

"Yep."

"You're not freaking out about it? I always imagined when you realized how you felt about him was mutual that you'd have like this weird total freak-out moment." Sam laughed.

"Sam, I knew how we felt about each other for years. Just because I didn't act on it, doesn't mean I didn't know it was there. Do I look stupid?" Dean glared at him.

Sam shrugged, "You seemed repressed."

Dean said dryly, "I knew how he felt. I didn't think he was interested in doing anything about it. He's a freaking Angel of the Lord. Besides for kissing Meg that time and his misadventure with the reaper, did you ever notice him ogling anyone one? Seriously?"

"You, I saw him ogle you. For years. Hundreds of times. Maybe thousands. Me and Bobby used to bet which one of you would realize how you felt first. I bet it was you. Bobby was sure it would be Cas. Still don't know which of us was right," Sam grinned.

"I was going to tell him the night that we returned from saving him from the reaper when he was human. But Gadreel made me…"

"…kick me out of the bunker before you could do it." Sam looked at his lap.

"Hardest thing I ever had to do. That was on me, not you Sam. I tricked you into letting Gadreel in. The way Cas looked at me when I told him he couldn't stay, I thought I had lost him forever." Dean's hands clenched tighter on the steering wheel. "Damnedest thing, the fool came back the moment I called and asked him for help even after everything I put him through."

Sam smiled, "You would have gone to him in a heartbeat if he had needed you."

Dean pulled the car into the graveyard. After gathering their shovels, salt, and gasoline, they hunted down the grave they had to burn. When they were finished, Dean drove them to a hotel, so they could get a hot shower and a couple hours of sleep.

\-----  
Castiel was attempting to use the computer to track down Lucifer the next morning when Mary walked into the library. Castiel was muttering in Enochian under his breath in frustration.

"What's wrong, Castiel?" Mary asked, as she slid a cup of coffee in his direction.

Castiel smiled gratefully at Mary and took a sip. "Dean's love of anime always caused me to wind up at inappropriate sites when trying to google information. I just don't get it. Most of it seems anatomically impossible."

"Is it porn?" Mary asked surprised.

Castiel laughed dryly, "You'd be surprised at the amount and type watches."

"No, I don't think I would be." Mary grinned.

Castiel stiffened as the lights in the room started to spark around him. He grabbed Mary and pulled her behind him as a form coalesced in the center of the war room. An angel with wings spread out behind him appeared. The face and arms of the vessel were disfigured and falling apart.

"Brother, it surprises me that you didn't think to put the wards back up." 

Castiel growled, "Lucifer. What do you want here?"

"Well, you see, Castiel. I have this one, itty, bitty problem. I was hoping Sam could help me, but you could do in a pinch. I can't find a vessel that just sorts of fits me." Lucifer smiled at Castiel slowly.

"It won't do any good for you to ask me, Lucifer. I won't say yes again."

Lucifer's eyes fell upon Mary who looked nervous behind Castiel. "And who is this? She's related to the boys. Oh, she's Mama Winchester isn't she? Always been a fan. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me."

"Leave her out of this, Lucifer." Castiel stood protectively in front of Mary.

"Oh, but it's just so much fun to mess with Dean and Sam," Lucifer giggled. "Imagine, if they come back and the mom that was just returned to them is gory little bits on the floor." Lucifer made a motion, and Mary collapsed on the ground with blood trailing out of her mouth.

Castiel looked between Mary and Lucifer. "Stop this. You and Father made up. You were working with the Winchesters. Why are you doing this?"

"And then Father and Auntie Amara ditched us like a bad prom date. They left us again, Castiel."

Castiel glared at him, "He left me too and you don't see me whining about it. He never even fucking talked to me once. He apologized to you and never even said hi to me. Stop being a prima donna."

"I was his favorite, Castiel. His favorite! And look what that got me. Locked in a cage for a millennium. He owed me." Lucifer snarled.

Castiel sighed, "Michael is still in the cage, Lucifer. You don't have to fight him. You can let go of your rage. You can redeem yourself. "

"I don't need to redeem myself. Father set all of this up, all of it is on him. He wanted me to take the Mark. I was a good son and see what I got for it. You think I don't know your plans to try to put me back in the cage. You so disappointment me, Castiel. Over and over again, you make the same, pathetic mistakes. You know you cannot beat me, yet you so desperately try."

Castiel clutched his angel blade tighter and ran towards Lucifer. Lucifer flung him into one of the pillars into the adjacent library before Castiel could get close enough to stab him.

Lucifer refocused on Mary. "Just imagine, Castiel, when your beloved Dean comes back and finds his mother a puddle of goo on the floor. I think he'll enjoy that, don't you?" Mary started making choking and gasping sounds.

Castiel flinched as he staggered back up to his feet. "What do you want?"

"Say yes, Castiel. You say yes, and I'll let Mary live and I won't try to take Sam as a vessel. I'll stay away from the Winchesters unless they come after me. That's a win-win for Sam and a win-ehh for Dean."

Castiel closed his eyes. "You promise…"

"Yes, I promise, Castiel. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick an angel blade in your eye. Ok?" Lucifer looked at Castiel mockingly.

"Heal her first," Castiel growled.

Lucifer extended a hand in her direction and she glowed briefly. She slowly started standing up.

Castiel took one last glance at Mary. "Tell Dean I'm sorry. Ok, Lucifer, I say y…."

Mary moaned, "Take me, instead."

Lucifer paused. He turned to Mary with an interested look on his face. "What?"

Castiel yelled panic-stricken, "No, Mary. You don't know what you are doing…"

Mary interrupted, "Promise me you won't try to possess Sam again. Promise me you won't kill Castiel, Sam, or Dean. And I'll say yes."

"Interesting," Lucifer pondered this. "You aren't a perfect vessel like Sam, but you would last a good long while. You're not my usual type, but I can be…flexible."

Castiel staggered to his feet and charged Lucifer. Lucifer flung his hand and sent Castiel colliding into another pillar. 

"I promise, Mary. I will not kill Castiel, and as long as Sam and Dean don't hunt me, I won't harm them."

Mary looked up at Lucifer, "Then, yes."

The body that Lucifer occupied collapsed, as Mary was surrounded in a brilliant glowing light. Lucifer using Mary said, "Oh yes, that's better. You have some juice, Mary."

Castiel staggered to his feet again. "I'll say yes, Lucifer. Take me instead. She doesn't know…"

"Exactly, she doesn't know, while you would be a festering gnat in my head always trying to figure a way out." Lucifer smiled at Castiel. "I won't kill you. I promised I won't. But I need to distract Sam and Dean just a bit to get myself time to get out of the way before those lumbering bags of flannel start looking for me."

With a snap of the fingers, Lucifer caused massive internal damage to Castiel's vessel. With blood dripping from his mouth and ears, Castiel collapsed on the floor.

Lucifer smiled. "Oh, Mary. We are going to have so much fun." Lucifer disappeared.

\-----

Sam argued with Dean as they pulled the Impala into the garage, "We need to take Mom next time, Dean. She wants to come, and you can't keep coming up with excuses. This was a simple case."

Dean growled, "We just got her back. We could handle this easy."

They opened the bunker door with a clang and started down the stairs. Dean was in front and froze as he caught sight of the dead body of Lucifer's previous vessel lying in the middle of the floor. "What the hell…"

Dean pulled out his gun and motioned to Sam. He walked quietly down the stairs, with Sam close behind. As they entered the war room, he could see Castiel lying in a heap in the adjacent library. Sam approached the body, while Dean headed towards Castiel. Dean squatted next to Castiel, "Cas?" He rolled him over and saw the blood pooled under Castiel's head. He touched Castiel's forehead and it was still warm. Dean sighed in relief, Castiel was still alive.

Sam approached the body of the vessel and examined it. "Dean, this was Lucifer's vessel. I can see where the body was starting to come apart from not being able to contain him."

Dean with a filling of dread in his stomach yelled, "Mom?"

Sam said, "I'll look for her. You take care of Cas. Maybe, try to wake him up to tell us what happened."

"What happened, Sam? What friggin' happened? Lucifer took Mom. She's going to wind up like that husk there. I thought we put the anti-angel shielding back up after Chuck and Lucifer left the bunker. How did this happen?"

"We'll figure out that later. Right now, I'm looking for Mom."

Dean struggled and picked up Castiel, carrying him to Castiel's bedroom. He laid him carefully on the bed and then ran to get a basin of water and a first aid kit. He washed the blood off of Castiel's face and started removing his clothing. Castiel had massive bruising on his ribs and back. Dean grimaced. Castiel had to be hurt pretty badly not to be healing at all by now. Dean examined Castiel's arms and legs and didn't see any breaks. He didn't like the way Castiel's ribs were bruised. He thought at least two ribs were broken. Dean applied cold packs to Castiel's abdomen and chest to try to reduce the bruising. He stroked his hair, "Cas, buddy. Wake up…" Castiel remained unresponsive.

Sam came into the room, "She's gone, Dean. She's nowhere in the bunker."

"Mom's a friggin' angel condom now. Great job we did of protecting her," Dean roared.

Sam grimaced for a moment. "I'll go check the bunker wards."

"Kind of closing the barn door after the horse has already left, Sam."

Sam left the room. Dean sat on the bed next to Castiel, holding his hand. Sam came back in the room about a half hour later. "The wards were all erased. My guess is Amara…"

"…removed them when we were laying the trap at the warehouse. Sonovabitch, how could we be so dumb?" Dean clenched his jaw.

"Well, they are back up now, so Lucifer won't get in again."

"We just friggin' got her back." Dean's head drooped and his shoulder's slumped.

"Mom's tough. She’ll hang in tight until we get her back. Have faith, Dean."

Dean sighed, "I've been told before that I don't have that." Dean stroked Castiel's face. "Should we take him to a hospital, Sam? He's unresponsive and he was still on the low end of grace before. What if he's bleeding inside and can't get enough grace…"

"When you beat the hell out of him when you had the Mark, he was messed up for a few hours and then suddenly was pretty much all better. You stay with him, I'll go dispose of the body. Then, I'll see if I can find anything on the internet. I'll also ask Jody to put out an alert on Mom."

Dean still stared at Castiel worriedly.

"Dean, if he gets any worse, we'll take him to the hospital." Sam turned around and strode out of the room.

\-----

When Castiel opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was Dean slumped in a chair next to his bed asleep. Castiel said is a faint voice, "Dean? What…where am I?"

Dean's eyes flew open. "You feel better?"

"I feel like hammered crap. What happened?" Castiel looked concerned.

"I was hoping you could tell us, Cas. We came home, you were unconscious, a body was in the war room, and Mom is gone."

Memories flooded into Castiel. "Lucifer came. He was looking for Sam. His vessels keep wearing out quickly. He decided I would do. He was hurting your mom to try to get me to agree to be his vessel. I was going to agree, Dean, because he was going to kill her. I know I promised you I wouldn't do things like that, but he was going to kill her. And, then, she said yes on the condition he wouldn't kill me or try to possess Sam. I'm sorry, Dean, I did my best to protect her. I failed you yet again." Castiel stared at the wall.

"It's the Winchester way to sacrifice ourselves for each other. It's on all of us for not checking wards. Amara apparently burned them off and with all our drama the last couple of days, we didn't notice. I can't blame you for that, you weren't in the driver's seat when we were coming up with the plan to trap Amara. "

Castiel reached out his hand and put it on Dean's knee. "We'll get her back. Mary is strong."

Dean leaned over to hug Castiel, but Castiel grimaced and let out a grunt as his body shifted. "Ribs not so good yet." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead instead. 

"Hungry, Cas?"

"A PB&J would be appreciated." 

"I'll go bring Sam up to date. You stay here and rest up some more. Bring you a sandwich in a bit." Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and headed to the war table. Sam had his laptop open and was staring at it intently.

"Cas is awake. Mom let Lucifer possess her to protect us."

Sam looked up at Dean with tears in his eyes. "We were happy for what, two days, Dean? Why can't we ever catch a break?"

"Guys like us never get a break, Sam. We just keep grinding 'til we wind up dead. We just got her back." Dean turned a punch the wall several times. Sam stood up and hugged Dean to stop him. Dean relaxed into Sam after a moment. 

"We'll figure this out, Dean. We always do."

Dean snorted, "Can I tell you how much right now I hate Lucifer? He's been making our life a living hell since well…you were born. Even before that. Azazel killed our grandparents. You were right, we need Rowena's, and probably Crowley's, help to take on Lucifer."

Sam nodded. "Is Cas going to be ok?"

"I assume since he woke up, it means that eventually he'll be fine. He's low on grace again and hungry. Gonna to take him some grub."

Sam nodded, "I'll call Crowley."

Dean made a couple of sandwiches and took them to Castiel. Castiel was out cold again so Dean just put the sandwiches on the bedside table. Exhausted, Dean shucked his own clothes except for his boxers and laid carefully next to Castiel. He put a hand on Castiel's hip, but, otherwise, kept his distance so he wouldn't hurt him. Dean tried to sleep, but all he could do was worry about his mother and what Lucifer might be doing with her. Dean didn't even know if her body would be strong enough to withstand being Lucifer's vessel. He sighed quietly.

Castiel rolled slowly towards him, making a small grunting noise because of the pain in ribs. "Dean?"

"Didn't mean to wake you, Cas."

Castiel stroked Dean's face with his hand. "You didn't. The pain did. It's late; you need to sleep. Tomorrow, we'll look for Lucifer. I will get her back for you."

"Not sure you'll be ready to start hunting tomorrow. You still look like hammered crap." Dean caught Castiel's hand and kissed it.

"I've been worse. I'm sorry I couldn't protect her, Dean." Castiel looked mournfully at Dean.

"Shhh, it's on me and Sam. Not you."

Castiel kissed Dean gently. "I love you."

Dean gave him a sad half smile, "Me too, angel."


	10. Mother Mary

Mary stood at the counter, cutting the crusts off a sandwich. She turned around and put the plate in front of her four-year-old, Dean. He smiled, bright-eyed at his mother.

"I was thinking maybe we should take Sammy to the park later, before Daddy gets home. Sound good?"

Dean nodded, while taking a bite out of his sandwich.

Mary leaned over and pulled a cherry pie out of the oven. She smiled at Dean, "Your favorite!"

Dean pumped his fist and said, "Yes!" He smiled happily and took a larger bite out of his sandwich.

When a small cry came from the next room, Mary rushed in and peeked at her baby in the crib. "You ok, Sammy?" The baby made a gurgling noise at her. 

She turned around and saw a tall, lean blonde man leaning against the kitchen counter. She couldn't remember him, but she didn't think she had anything to fear from him. He was…expected.

"Hi, Mary. I was wondering where you had locked yourself away at." The man looked at her charmingly.

Mary smiled at him tentatively. "Hi, I was just feeding the boys lunch. Would you like a sandwich too? I'm sorry, I forgot your name.

The man hesitated for a moment and answered, "Luc. No, that's ok. I'm not hungry. But thank you."

Mary picked up the baby and walked towards the refrigerator. She pulled out a bottle and then sat next to Dean. Sammy snuggled into her as she fed him his bottle.

Luc stared at her. "This is all you really wanted, isn't Mary? Just raise two happy healthy little boys. One of them probably would have grown up to be a mechanic and the other a lawyer."

Mary beamed at Luc, "I want them to do whatever makes them happy."

Luc walked to the table and gestured to a chair, "May I?"

Mary nodded.

"You probably wouldn't have wanted some stupid old devil messing all of this up for you?"

Mary furrowed her brow, as if trying to remember something.

Luc said to her soothingly, "It's okay, Mary. Nothing is going to hurt you here. You and your two boys will grow up happy and healthy here. No demons, no werewolves, nothing that goes bump in the night. Instead, you can take them to football practice, take pictures of them with their first dates, teach them how to ride bicycles. That sounds pretty awesome, huh?"

"It's all I ever wanted for my boys. Not to have them grow up like I did. Dragged from place to place." Mary shuddered.

Luc reached over and rubbed her back, "Everything will be okay, Mary, as long as you obey the rules and stay in your safe little world. Nothing bad can get to you here. If anyone tries to tell you to come out, remember I'll protect you."

Mary sighed deeply. "Thank you, Luc. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Your safety is my number one priority, Mary. Don't ever forget that."

\------

Lucifer stood up, stretching. He had never taken a female vessel before, and it was disorienting. Mary was strong and fast. The body would do well for now. He flexed his wings again, as his eyes glowed red. He knew he would have to do something about Rowena. He'd have to start the hunt for her.

\-------

When Dean woke up, Castiel was still asleep. Dean carefully got off the bed without disturbing him. He noticed that the sandwich was half eaten. At some point in the night, Castiel must have woken up enough to eat. Dean pulled on sweat pants and headed out to the war room. He found Sam asleep in a chair at the table, with his head resting on his folded arms. Dean shook Sam's shoulder gently, "Sam."

Sam's eyes flew open. "How's Cas?"

"Still sleeping. But I think he's on the mend. What have you figured out?"

Sam yawned, "I talked to Crowley. He says he has feelers out for Lucifer. I told him…" Sam paused, "I told him about Mom, Dean. It would help Crowley's people track Lucifer down. I know that wasn't what you would have done, but this one time I don't think we can do anything but trust Crowley."

Dean sighed and sat down heavily in the chair. "No, I get it, Sam. We have no cards hidden up our sleeves. Crowley is going to get to call the shots a lot. We have a whole lot of nada, with a side of zilch."

"More bad news. Rowena is coming here to stay with us," Sam braced himself for what he was sure was going to be a verbal assault.

Dean just stared at the table. "It's probably for the best. She's the only one that knows how to work the cage, and she's probably number one on Lucifer's hit list. I will just be nervous allowing the most powerful witch we know in a bunker full of arcane items. But it's an enemy of my enemy kind of thing. We'll just need to keep a close eye on her."

"About that. I called Eileen. She's coming too. We can use her help to keep an eye on Rowena if you and I have to take care of things."

Dean nodded, "Any more surprises?"

"I found no clues of where Lucifer could be." Sam looked defeated.

"Go get a couple of hours of shuteye, Sam. I'll make breakfast in a bit and wake you up then." Dean patted Sam on the back as he stood up. "It's been a hell of a week, eh, Sam?"

"I think it's been the longest week of my life," Sam yawned and headed down the hallway to his room.

Dean sat at Sam's laptop, staring and wondering what he could possible look for to find Lucifer's location. He searched news sites and police reports for anything weird but grew frustrated as he found no leads. He glanced up when he heard a shuffling noise as Castiel walked slowly into the room. Castiel was pale and shaking slightly, as he sat in the chair next to Dean. He was dressed in a pair of Dean's sweatpants and didn't have a shirt on. The bruising wasn't quite as pronounced as it was the previous day, but his stomach and chest still was mottled with patches of purple.

"How are you feeling, sunshine?"

Castiel groaned slightly, "Don't ask stupid questions, Dean. Any sign of Mary or Lucifer?"

"Not yet," Dean looked downcast at the laptop.

"It's a small consolation, but I don't think Lucifer will hurt her on purpose, Dean. He was looking for a vessel that could last. He wouldn't have broken Sam's mind like he did if he hadn't been in the cage. He's probably helped her dig herself deep into some part of her subconscious so that she's living a fantasy life. For Jimmy, it was flying kites in a park with Claire and Amelia. My vessel before that liked to knit socks and mittens while she drank tea."

"Wait, you had a female vessel?" Dean stared at Castiel.

"About half my visits to earth were in women. I even possessed Claire for a few minutes once. I don't have a gender regardless of what you continue to believe." Castiel faintly smiled. 

"Well, it would have made things easier. The amount of angst that could have been prevented..."

Castiel snorted, "I probably would have run away from you. Nephilims are strictly forbidden, and we can't make one in our current state."

Dean frowned and shrugged, "There is that perk I suppose."

"If I felt even remotely capable right now, I could show you other perks." Castiel said with a small smile.

Dean raised an eyebrow, "Is that your attempt at flirting, Cas?"

Castiel tilted his head slightly with a slight smile, "I tried. What did you and Sam figure out while I was asleep?"

"I was thinking we could summon Lucifer like we did before. But, we couldn't get control of him with you as the vessel and you aren't human. What would we do after we summon him? He'd burn through the sigil pretty quickly." Dean worried his bottom lip while thinking.

"I don't know, Dean. Even though I'm an angel, I could only breakthrough for a few seconds."

Dean ran his fingers through his hair, "I've got no ideas, Cas. Rowena and Crowley are going to help us, they say. They got good reason to send Lucifer back to the cage, but no good reason not to send Mom with him. We can't trust them, but what choice do we have."

"Rowena is a wild card, but Crowley would try to spare your mother. He likes you two being his sometimes ally. He cares about you, Dean, more than I expect you suspect. He saved me, so I could contain you when you were a demon. He helped us remove the mark from you. You were with him for months." Castiel's voice was passive, but his body language stiffened as he talked about Crowley.

"Easy there, tiger. I have never stared at Crowley for ten minutes just because he was too sexy for words. Only you."

Castiel looked away, embarrassed.

"Hey, it's cool, Cas. When you kissed Meg that time, I wanted to kill her on the spot. These things happen. And I promise, I never kissed Crowley. Although Bobby did." Dean smiled slightly. Dean stretched and stood up. "I told Sam I would make some breakfast, so I'll do that since I'm not making any progress here."

\-------------------

When Rowena knocked on the door a few hours later, she came blustering in with a suitcase and pushed it into Sam's hand as she walked down the stairs as if she owned the place. "Take me to my room, Samuel. I'm tired from travelling."

Dean stared at Sam's back as he escorted Rowena down the hallway to a room. 

Castiel said, "I have a bad feeling about this, Dean."

"Don't we all?"

Rowena and Sam walked into the library after getting her belongings sorted out. She looked at Castiel, who was dressed in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, quizzically. "A wee bit underdressed aren't ye, angel?"

Castiel looked up and down Rowena's body in a red-sequined formal and high-heeled shoes. He said in a dead-pan voice, "A wee bit overdressed aren't you, witch."

Sam interrupted, "None of that. We all want the same thing - Lucifer safely locked up somewhere. We need to work together and not fight."

Dean grinned proudly, "But Cas, got a good one in, didn't he?" He smiled at Castiel approvingly and put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

Rowena narrowed her eyes at Dean and stared at his hand. She looked at Sam, "Oh, he finally has figured out his feelings for the angel, hasn't he? About bloody time if you ask me. Fergus and I had a running bet on when it would happen."

Sam sighed, "For God's sake, …"

Castiel glared at him, "Do not bring my Father into this."

Dean gave a deep sigh. "Ok, let's focus. Here's what we know. We need to get Lucifer to a location, we need to expel Lucifer from mom, and somehow send him back to the cage without a vessel."

"It’d far easier to send him back to the cage in a vessel, Dean," Rowena said brightly.

"We are not sending my mom to Hell." Dean growled at Rowena dangerously.

"Well, perhaps we can figure out a way to send him to another vessel and send that vessel to the cage," Rowena responded placidly.

"So, we send some other poor unsuspecting sap to the cage instead?" Dean frowned.

"Wait, Dean. When Ruby tried to talk to me after you went to Hell, I made her go find a body where she wasn't possessing someone. So, she took over a body where the soul already left, but the body was being kept alive by life support." Sam ran his hand through his hair. "That might work."

Dean looked at him strangely. "So, what? We're gonna summon Lucifer to a hospital and try to shove him in another vessel? There are so many ways this could go south."

Castiel squinted and tilted his head. "Instead of machinery, it is possible that I could keep a body alive after the soul has left. But we would have to make sure the soul had been reaped so we didn't condemn an innocent person to Hell."

Rowena looked at them exasperatedly. "It may be a wee bit easier to find someone who has already sold their soul to a crossroads demon and maybe get Fergus to offer them a deal. We kill them, Fergus lets the soul go to Heaven instead of Hell. No innocent person goes to Hell, so no need for the Winchester’s overly developed sense of guilt.”

“We need Crowley’s help to summon Lucifer anyway,” Dean shrugged.

“Dean, we’d still be killing someone,” Sam looked indignant.

“Have you ever been killed by a hellhound? No, you haven’t. It hurts…a lot. If I had a choice of Cas ganking me or a hellhound, I’d pick Cas.”

Castiel looked affronted, “I’m never going to gank you, Dean.”

“Just an example, Cas. Look, Sam, if the person is going to die anyway, we’d be doing them a favor if they get to go to Heaven instead of Hell. You and I both know what Hell is like.”

Rowena said dryly, “Interminably boring.”

A knock sounded on the bunker door. Sam walked to the staircase, saying over his shoulder, "It must be Eileen." Sam bounded up the stairs, opened the door with a large smile, only to see Crowley. The smile died on his face. 

Crowley smiled at Sam. "I'm so happy to see you too, Moose. Now can you let the warding down, so I can come visit."

Sam allowed Crowley to enter and escorted him down to the library. Rowena looked at Crowley in disdain. "Fergus." She nodded briefly in his direction. 

Crowley responded, "Mother." He walked over to the cabinet in the corner of the room and poured himself a generous portion of whiskey. "Hello, boys," Crowley said as he smiled at the Winchesters. He nodded briefly at Castiel, "Feathers. "  
He took a sip of the whiskey as he sat down at the table, "So, boys what is the plan? "

\--------

Lucifer knew he shouldn't venture into Mary's inner thoughts. However, he couldn't seem to help himself as he strolled into the kitchen. Mary was pulling a tray of cookies out of the oven. Dean was playing next to the crib, rolling in a small car across the carpeted floor. Sam laid in his crib letting out little giggles as Dean made car sounds.

Lucifer knew he was playing with fire, he needed to leave Mary alone in her thoughts. The more she was aware of him, the greater likelihood that she'd know to expel him. He started to turn to leave, but then impulsively turned around and said quietly, "Hello, Mary. "

Mary looked up at him and smiled. "Hi, Luc."

"Where is John?" Lucifer said with a slow smile.

Mary’s smile faltered. She moved uncomfortably. "He's working. He's always working. I wish he would spend more time with the boys. "

"I know how hard it is to grow up without a father. John should be here with his sons, supporting them, and supporting you, Mary. " Lucifer looked at her consolingly. "I know what it's like when your father ignores you. No son should have to suffer that. "

"He works hard to provide for us, I understand that and, afterwards, he wants to have a beer or two with his friends. He's a good father. I love him. "Mary sighed softly.

Dean went over to his mother and asked for a cookie. Mary looked at him adoringly. "You can have one now before dinner. After that, you have to wait until you eat." Something stirred inside of Lucifer as he watched Mary kneel next to her son. He didn't want to examine the feeling. He left Mary's dream world and returned his attention to the outside.

He surveyed the drab surroundings of the warehouse around him feeling disheartened. He wasn't sure what to do next and found it unsettling. For the first time in a long time, Lucifer was free, but he had no direction and no goals. He sighed as he started his search for Rowena, but his heart wasn't really in it.

\----------

By the time that Eileen arrived, Sam was tired of the bickering between Crowley and Rowena. Crowley had agreed to the plan but was arguing with her on how to achieve it. Castiel was giving Crowley the icy glare that he reserved for when Crowley annoyed him, his arms folded tight across his chest.

Sam introduced Eileen nervously to the people in the room. Dean give her a hug and kissed her on the cheek. Castiel gave her a gentle smile, while Crowley and Rowena looked at her disinterestedly and went on with their argument. 

Eileen was exhausted from the long trip. Sam escorted her to one of the guest rooms and showed her inside. After moment, he exited to find Castiel leaning against the wall in the hallway. Castiel looked tired, but far better than he did that morning.

As Sam entered the hallway, Castiel pushed himself away from the wall. "Sam, are you sure it's wise to have Eileen here? Crowley and Rowena aren't easy to get along with and they're quite dangerous. I'm concerned about her safety. No matter how helpful they might seem, the King of Hell and that witch are never to be trusted. Do not forget how she cast a guard dog spell on me. " 

"It's an all hands-on deck kind of situation, Cas. We need all the help that we can get. "

Castiel cupped Sam's cheek in his hand. "You've been through so much, and I don't want to see you or her get hurt. Please be careful, Sam, I care about you. "

Sam smiled at Castiel and pulled him into a tight hug, "I love you, Cas. You know that. Eileen's pretty kick ass. She can hold her own."

Castiel held him back tightly, "Just remember, both Crowley and Rowena are snakes. They will turn and bite the hand that feeds them when it suits their purpose, usually when we are at our most vulnerable."

Dean cleared his throat from behind them, causing Castiel to take a step back. Dean asked, "Cas, can you keep an eye on Crowley over night? Rowena is tired and heading to sleep. I figured Sam and I should get some shut eye too."

Castiel looked at the ceiling imploringly. "Oh, yay."

Sam murmured, "Night, guys," before heading to his room.

Castiel looked at Dean tiredly. "Can't we just devil's trap him the dungeon until morning?"

Dean sighed, "We have to play nice right now, Cas. How are you doing? You need sleep? I can stay up with him a bit longer if you want to catch some shuteye. You look better than earlier, but you still look kinda crappy."

Castiel snorted, "As always, Dean, you have a way with words. I will go watch Crowley for you. You know I do it all for you. If I need sleep, I'll exchange places after you get your four hours. But I much rather be with you in your room than with him. "

Dean flashed a wide grin, "That's what all the girls say."

Castiel glared at him pointedly.

"From when I was a demon and palling around with him. I could always pick up girls, he just looked bored the entire time."

Castiel stilled for a moment, then grabbed Dean by both shoulders and pinned him against the wall. He kissed him passionately until Dean was left gasping for air. When Castiel pulled back, Dean was panting, wild eyed. Castiel growled, "Let's not talk about that period of time again, Dean. The memory does not make me happy."

"It doesn't make me particularly happy either," Dean paused, "Cas, I love you. I probably won't say it often, but always know that I do."

"I know how you feel, Dean. I don't need words." Castiel kissed him again gently. "Sleep well, Dean. I love you, as well." Castiel squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and marched to the library. Crowley was looking bored, drinking his whiskey at the table. "So, Feathers, you and Dean finally figured out your deep dark secret about each other."

"There was never a deep dark secret. We just didn't tell you. By the way, Crowley, if you ever touch him again, I will end you in the most painful way that I can think of at the time." Castiel looked at Crowley with narrowed eyes. "He's mine."


	11. What about Love

When Dean woke up a few hours later, he walked into the library were Castiel and Crowley were staring each other without moving.  
   
"Cas? You need a nap?" He approached Castiel cautiously.  
   
Crowley smiled, "See, he is trying to get rid of you, so he can be with me, Feathers."  
   
Castiel clenched his fists. Dean could feel the charge in the air surrounding Castiel. "Cas?"  
   
"I can figure out how to get an empty body, Dean. We don't need him." Castiel kept staring at Crowley.  
   
Dean looked at Crowley, "What did you do to him?"  
   
"I peed in his bloody pool, and choir boy is a bit sulky. Maybe broody. Definitely angsty."  
   
"Shut up, Crowley," Castiel growled.  
   
"I just told him about the time we took those triplets to that bar in Winslow, Arizona. A good time was had by all," Crowley smirked at Castiel. "Dean and I had the summer of bromance. More than you ever have had."  
   
"Dean doesn't feel the need to add in others in our relationship. And he's not under the influence of anything. He chose me with free will. The Mark chose you." Castiel glared at Crowley.  
   
"Okay, that's enough." Dean hauled Castiel up to his feet and kissed him soundly, slipping a little tongue action into the mix. He said slowly, "I…love…you…Cas… Now, stop comparing your dick sizes. Oh, wait, Crowley. Isn't that what you traded your soul for in the first place? An extra couple of inches." Dean winked at Crowley. "If you're not sleepy, Cas, want to come help me make pancakes? Behave, Crowley, unless you want to be jettisoned from the bunker. Lucifer might be happy to find you too."  
   
Crowley scowled as Dean and Castiel left the room holding hands.  
   
\-----  
   
Eileen and Sam walked into the kitchen together as Dean finished the pancakes. "Hi, you two. Want pancakes?"  
   
Sam smiled, "When don't I want pancakes?" He looked at Eileen, "I'll get us some pancakes. Sit down and make yourself comfortable."  
   
When Sam stood next to Dean as the counter getting plates, Dean checked over his shoulder to see Castiel engaged in conversation with Eileen. Assured that she wouldn't notice him talking, he whispered to Sam, "First base? Second? Maybe third? Home run?" He waggled his eyebrows at Sam.  
   
"Dude, you're gross."  
   
"Well, which is it? You came in here together, don't tell me you met in the hallway? You the early riser of the century."  
   
"We spent most the night talking, Dean. Just talking." Sam rolled his eyes.  
   
Dean stared at him, "But you got to second base, right?"  
   
Sam blushed, "Dean."  
   
Dean fist pumped in the air, "Score."  
   
"What are you, twelve?"  
   
The smile fell from Dean's face. "Sorry, Sam. I just… wanted it to feel normal for a few minutes, instead of Mom being with Lucifer and having a demon and a witch in the bunker."  
   
"Where is Rowena? I haven't seen her yet today." Sam finished putting the pancakes on the plates and turned around.  
   
Rowena announced from the doorway, "Right here." She was perfectly coiffed in a long blue dress this time. "It takes a wee bit of time to look this good, boys. Now, Dean, could you be a good lad and fetch me some breakfast."  
   
Castiel rolled his eyes, "Have you ever wondered, Dean, if annoying could be a hereditary factor?"  
   
Dean walked over and put a plate of pancakes in front of Rowena. "Be nice, Cas. She needs her strength to research for the correct spell."  
   
"Ah, Dean. I already know how to send him back to the cage. I just need the wee little transference spell."  
   
"Yeah, well we'll get on that right after breakfast." Dean snorted.  
   
\-------------------------  
   
Lucifer paced back and forth across the floor in the warehouse. Despite his efforts, he had not found the witch. He had his suspicions that she was in the bunker, but he hadn't figured out a way to breach the wards yet. Plus, he had promised Mary not to harm the boys unless they hunted him. He sighed and sat down on a crate. If killing Rowena was his first goal and was currently unobtainable, he wasn't sure what he next goal should be. If he started causing chaos before taking care of Rowena, the Winchesters and the witch might have a shot at getting him back in the cage. He could go take back hell, but he really wasn't interested in that any more. Demons were rather annoying.  
   
He knew he should leave Mary alone, but he was bored. He focused inwardly until he found Mary. She was frustrated because the water she was boiling macaroni in was overflow, she was holding Sammy in one arm, and Dean was at the table with wide eyes as Mary cursed, "Sonovabitch."  
   
Lucifer made himself visible. "Need a hand, Mary?"  
   
She thrust Sam into his arms, "Hold him, Luc, please."  
   
Lucifer found himself holding the squirming six-month old. He knew Sammy wasn't real, that he was a manifestation of Mary's mind. Yet, he felt solid. Lucifer held him about a foot away from him, looking at him as if he had sprouted a second head.  
   
Mary was dealing with the mess on the stove, while Sam started making whimpering noises.  
   
Lucifer felt a tug on his sleeve. Dean looked up at him bright-eyed and said, "Mr. Luc, he doesn't like to be held like that. You should hold him closer to your chest and face him towards you. He's picky."  
   
Lucifer wondered briefly how Mary's mind would respond to him disappearing right now. Would Dean somehow catch Sammy, or would he hit the ground? He didn't want to antagonize Mary, so he moved the baby to the position Dean suggested.  
   
"Like this, Dean?" He realized it was the first time he had spoken to one of the children.  
   
"Yes, sir."  
   
Lucifer sat down in one of the chairs, looking at Sammy's face. This child had grown up to be bane of his existence. He had been locked back up in the cage due to him. The apocalypse had been averted. Sammy grinned at him gummily. Lucifer started to smile back and stopped himself.  
   
"Mr. Luc, do you like cars?" Dean was rolling a small black toy car back and forth on the table. Lucifer realized it was the same make and model as the car Dean drove now.  
   
"I never really thought about it, Dean. I like flying. I've only been in cars, well, once that I can think of and I wasn't really myself then." Lucifer remembered his and Sam's frantic escape from Amara in Dean's car, until his Father had plunked the car into the safety of the bunker. Lucifer looked down at Sammy again. This small child would grow up to help save the world, from him, from Leviathans, from Metatron, from every other fate that could befall this one, small, inconsequential planet. A fragile human that he could obliterate with the snap of his finger had bested him multiple times. Sammy cooed at him again. This time Lucifer couldn't help but smile back.  
   
Mary walked over and put a bowl of macaroni and cheese in front of Dean. The macaroni looked a bit mushy and squishy, but Dean dug into it with delight. Mary smiled at Lucifer, "You ever just have one of those days. I can take Sammy back."  
   
"I'm good. Go ahead and eat, Mary. Sammy and I are fine."  
   
Mary walked back to the stove, calling over her shoulder, "Do you want a bowl?"  
   
"No, I'm good."  
   
Lucifer scrunched up his nose and made a funny face at Sammy, which caused him to giggle. Dean also giggled, with his mouth full of macaroni and cheese.  
   
Mary sat down next to him and started eating. "My mother could cook, but I was too busy helping my dad to learn how to boil water right, apparently."  
   
"You were doing important work."  
   
"I'm going to make sure my boys don't do that. I miss my parents. They were murdered." Mary looked down at her bowl while she took a bite. Lucifer inwardly grimaced, knowing Azazel did that in the process of helping Lucifer escape the cage. He didn't really regret them being killed except in the sense that meant that Mary also had been abandoned by her father, even if not by choice.  
   
"Why is John never here when I visit, Mary?"  
   
Dean said, "They had a fight. Dad is staying with a friend. I love Mom, and always want to stay with her."  
   
Mary admonished him, "Dean. Some family business is just family business." She softened it by leaning over and ruffling his hair. "But I love you too. You're my little man." She looked at Lucifer embarrassed. "Sometimes, he blurts things. He needs more of a filter."  
   
Lucifer internally snorted, she had that right. Dean usually was an unfiltered smart ass. He looked at her thoughtfully. From Sam, he had the impression that John and Mary had the perfect marriage. That was why John was so willing to drag the boys across the country from place to place in search of his wife's killer. Lucifer paused, not sure if he should ask the question, but threw caution to the wind, "Are you happy, Mary? Truly happy?" He knew delving into her emotions could stir up a hornet’s nest, so he might have to clamp down on her if she got too agitated. But his curiosity won out.  
   
Mary looked at Dean, who had finished his bowl. "Go play with your race track, Dean. We'll go to the park in a little while." After Dean had scampered off happily, she turned back to Lucifer, "John works long hours. He's so driven to buy us a bigger house, to get a new car for me, to provide material things, he forgets the nonmaterial things. He missed Dean's first word, his first steps, Sammy's first smile. He's almost obsessed. All I want is for him to come home and be a dad, Luc."  
   
Lucifer stared at her. He then looked at the baby in his arms, thinking. Sammy drooled a little bit on his shirt. John had changed one obsession for the other. He never thought of it from this angle before. Sam and Dean had been just as abandoned as he had been. He knew the baby wasn't real, just a manifestation of Mary's mind, but he felt real right now. Something stirred inside him again.  
   
"Mary, I need to go." Lucifer stood up and handed Sammy back to Mary. He pulled himself out of Mary's mind. He was still in the stupid warehouse. He picked up a piece of lumber and started breaking out all the windows on a booth in the warehouse. He smashed them until every piece of glass was obliterated. He then walked back to the crate, sat down, and closed his eyes. What did he want?  
   
\------  
   
Dean and Eileen were using their laptops to try to find any signs of Lucifer causing havoc, while Rowena and Sam were reading spell books and other books of lore. Castiel stood with his back against the wall, scowling at Crowley who leaned back in chair, drinking whiskey.  
   
Dean started tapping a pencil on the edge of the table as he was reading. Sam mumbled after a few minutes, "Dude!"  
   
"What? Dean looked at him.  
   
"Stop making noise."  
   
Crowley interjected, "Is that you all do when I'm not around? Play on laptops and read books?"  
   
Sam in a very controlled voice answered, "It's called research, Crowley."  
   
"It's called that's why I have minions, Moose," Crowley retorted.  
   
"Minions that will stab you in the back as soon as they can, right, puppy?" Castiel said with a smirk, very reminiscent of Lucifer.  
   
Crowley glared dangerously at Castiel. Castiel looked back placidly at him. The tension between the two was palpable.  
   
Dean stood up, "Me and Cas are going to do a beer and food run. Can you hold the fort down, Sam?"  
   
"If it will stop you from tapping your pencil on the table, I'm more than down with it."  
   
Dean and Castiel went to the Impala in the garage and got in. Dean looked at Castiel, "Why are you letting Crowley get under your skin?" Dean started the Impala and headed towards town. Castiel didn't reply and looked out the window. "Come on, Cas. Don't make me play fifty questions. We need to be on our A game if we are going to take down Lucifer."  
   
Castiel glanced at Dean finally. "He just droned on the entire night about you two doing this and then you two doing that. For months. He's annoying."  
   
"And this is a news flash, why? He's Crowley. Annoying is his middle name. If you look up annoying in the dictionary, there's a picture of Crowley."  
   
Castiel looked interested, "There is?"  
   
Dean shrugged, "Not really, but there should be. Why is his annoying personality being extra annoying to you?"  
   
"He's a smug assbutt."  
   
"Cas, I was a demon when I spent those months with him. It was the Mark making me lose all my inhibitions. I wasn't having fun with Crowley. I was having fun because I didn't feel guilty for once, that if I let my guard down for a second that we'd be in the middle of an apocalypse again. In a way it was freeing, but I rather be with you and Sam than him any day."  
   
"I spent the first couple of those months trying to help Sam find you. But my borrowed grace was waning, and Sam injured his arm trying to save me in a fight because I was too slow. That's why he his arm was in a sling when you came back. I finally just laid down in a hotel room, giving up. But Hannah dragged me out to look for rogue angels, and then Crowley saved me, so I could save Sam from you. Crowley saved my life. Do you know how annoying that is? To owe my life to him?"  
   
Dean cleared his throat, "Well, yeah. I can see that. He also took one for the team when Lucifer was possessing you by going in and trying to get you to come out. Lucifer kicked the snot out of him before we exorcised him back out."  
   
Castiel rolled his eyes, "Don't remind me."  
   
Dean asked, "Did I ever thank you for saving Sam from me?"  
   
"More or less. Look, Dean, Crowley and I have…a lot of bad water under the bridge. A significant part of which is my fault. Sometimes, I know you work with him. It doesn't mean I have to like him."  
   
Dean snorts, "I think he likes you."  
   
"Really?"  
   
"Crowley's weird. I think he really wants to be one of us, but he can't really be because he's still a demon at heart. So, he helps me and Sam more than he should. However, he also tortured Kevin, killed his girlfriend, and kidnapped his mother. I can't really forgive him for that and everything else he has done." Dean shrugged. "Our relationship with Crowley is complicated."  
   
"He also killed Meg." Castiel grew quiet again. Dean turned the music up higher.  
   
After getting the beer and picking up a few pizzas, they headed back to the bunker. About a mile from the bunker, Dean pulled off the road and got out of the car. "Follow me, Cas."  
   
Dean lead him up a hill, and then down to a slight marshy area. "Found this one night when I needed to go for a walk and clear my head." When he stopped, Castiel could see the light of fireflies sparkling over the marsh. Castiel stared with a look of amazement. Dean came up behind him and put his arms around his waist. Nuzzling Castiel's neck, Dean whispered, "I think Crowley annoys you because I went on that road trip with him, while all you and I ever seem to do is catch the occasional movie between apocalypses and other cataclysmic events." Dean nibbled Castiel's ear lobe. "What I think we need to do is make our set of experiences that far outshine anything I did hanging out with Crowley. We'll work on that when we get Mom back. Until then, just know…" Dean turned Castiel around and faced him. "I never did this with Crowley." He kissed Castiel, while unbuckling Castiel's belt. He pulled Castiel's pants down enough to free him and started stroking his length.  
   
Castiel's voice hitched, "Dean…"  
   
"Hush, gonna make a memory, Cas."  
   
Dean continued working on Castiel, kissing his face and neck, and alternating between grinding against him and stroking him with his hand. Castiel ran his fingertips up and down Dean's back, digging nails in as the pleasure overwhelmed him.  
   
"Dean…"  
   
"Should I stop?" Dean asked as he nuzzled Castiel's face.  
   
"No, definitely not." Castiel moaned. Dean looked deeply into Castiel's eyes for a long moment. He slid down to his knees, taking Castiel into his mouth. Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's hair, a hand on either side of his head. Dean swallowed deeper and moved faster until Castiel gasped and then relaxed as he found his release.  
   
Dean stood up and held Castiel close, because Castiel no longer seemed able to stand. Dean nuzzled his neck again. "How's that for something uniquely us?" Dean laughed as a firefly landed on Castiel's nose and lit up. "Fireflies like you, angel."  
   
Castiel still looked completely undone and remained quiet. Dean asked hesitantly, "You did like that, didn't you?"  
   
"Don't ask stupid questions." Castiel looked at him dazed, as he fumbled to unbuckle Dean's belt.  
   
"No time for that, Cas. Pizzas going to get too cold, and Sam will kill us. You can make it up to me later." Dean waggled his eyebrows at Cas.  
   
Castiel looked at him annoyed for a second, but then kissed him. "I guess I'll make it worth the wait," Castiel whispered in his ear. He used grace to clean up the mess they made.  
   
Dean smirked, "That's my angel."  
   
They walked hand in hand back to the car and returned to the bunker.  
   
\-------  
   
Lucifer had detected when Castiel and Dean had left the bunker, since he continued to periodically watch that area for the witch to emerge. He followed Castiel and Dean halfheartedly, because Rowena was his first main target. He wasn't really surprised by what the two had done near the marsh. He had known how Castiel felt about Dean for years. He was more impressed that Dean and Castiel had finally started to do something about the unresolved sexual tension. Bored, he decided to peek in on Mary again.  
   
As he appeared in her kitchen, he found Mary was nowhere to be found. He stepped outside of her house and could hear the noise of giggling and yelling children. He followed the noise and found the park that Mary had mentioned.  
   
He walked up to Mary, "Hi, there. Good day to be outside."  
   
"Hi Luc," Mary greeted him warmly. She was cuddling Sammy and feeding him a bottle. Dean sat in a sandbox about twenty feet away, looking dour and unhappy.  
   
"What's the matter with Dean?'  
   
"Before Sammy was born, I would play in the sandbox with him. He's angry that I don't have enough hands to do that now."  
   
Lucifer nodded. He stood up and crouched next to Dean in the sandbox. Dean had his toy car in his hand. "Hey, Dean-o, what's up?"  
   
"Stupid baby brother. I had more fun before I had a stupid baby brother."  
   
Lucifer nodded, "Baby brothers can be a real bitc…err annoyance. I fought with my brothers all the time. I wanted to send them all somewhere else to live."  
   
Dean looked at him, slightly horrified. "I don't want to send Sammy away. I just want him to be less stupid and learn to hold the bottle himself, so Mom can play with me."  
   
Lucifer started making a small trench in the sand. He packed the sand on either side. "We can make a roadway, Dean. You like roads."  
   
"My dad's car purrs and roars when he drives her." Dean put the toy car on the road Lucifer was making for him. Dean looked up, met Lucifer's eyes, and smiled at him. Lucifer felt uneasy. However, he continued to make a roadway for Dean in the sandbox, while Dean drove his little black Impala toy up and down the roads that Lucifer constructed. The joy in Dean's eyes was Lucifer's undoing. Each time he looked at Dean's face, he remembered Dean looking up in Stull saying, "I’m here, Sammy," while he pulverized Dean's face. Yet, despite his discomfort, he remained quietly building roads in the sand, while Dean moved his car around on them.  
   
The afternoon air was getting colder when Mary called out, "Dean, we need to go home and eat dinner."  
   
"Can Mr. Luc come with us?"  
   
Mary looked at Lucifer and smiled, "Would you like to?"  
   
Lucifer smiled, "It would be lovely."  
   
As they walked towards the house, Dean reached out and grabbed Lucifer's hand. Lucifer looked down as if he had grown another appendage but left his hand in Dean's grip.  
   
When they arrived, Mary put Sammy down in the crib and told Dean to wash up. She looked up at Lucifer, "You are an incredibly nice man, Luc. Thank you so much for playing with Dean. He's so protective of Sammy, but he also gets jealous."  
   
Lucifer smiled at her sadly, "I'm not a nice man, Mary. I'm afraid someday you will learn how not nice. I need to go."  
   
\---------  
   
Lucifer pulled himself out of Mary's thoughts. He glanced at the warehouse around him. It seemed so quiet and sad.


	12. Let It Go

The next morning, Rowena was searching through the magic books in the library. She let out a small, "Oh."

Dean looked at her. "You find something useful?"

"Aye, I think we even have the ingredients. It's a spell to transfer the angel to a new vessel. It can be done. We are lacking one ingredient…"

"What is it?"

Crowley said dryly, "It can't be the one thing she loves, because that bloody horse has already left the stable."

Rowena glared at him, "Fergus, you can keep your thoughts to yourself. What use are you anyway? Why exactly do we need him again?"

"To help us get an empty vessel for Lucifer." Dean sighed. "What is the missing ingredient?"

"The grace of an angel."

Everyone turned around and stared at Castiel. He shrugged, "Okay. I'll always bleed for the Winchesters."

"Hell, no. You aren't going to use Cas' grace to power the spell." Dean smashed his fist on the table.

"Take it easy, you flannel-covered buffoon. I don't need all of it. Just a wee bit. He'll regenerate it eventually." Rowena talked to Dean as if he were a small child.

Sam said, "If we do it, I'll extract his grace. I don't trust you."

Dean glared at Castiel, "A minute with you please."

Dean strode out of the room. After a few seconds, Castiel stood up and followed him. Dean walked to his room. After Castiel closed the door behind him, Dean exploded, "What the hell, Cas? Can't we find another angel? Are we just going to let Crowley and Rowena do whatever they want to you?"

"Dean, if it's necessary to get Mary back, I'll do it. This sad, little world needs all the Winchesters it can get. I'll be depowered for a while, but it will be fine. I'll get better."

Dean growled, "We keep saying that, but you haven't been at full power since Metatron stole your grace to cast his spell. We keep using you and using you, when are you going to wear out?"

"Dean, it makes sense that it would require the grace of an angel to perform this spell."

Dean froze, "You knew we needed it the entire time we've been looking for the spell."

Castiel pinned Dean in an intense stare. "I suspected. Dean, we need to do this spell to get Lucifer in a different vessel. I don't think Rowena can find another spell that would do that without angel grace. I don't get along with other angels if you haven't noticed. I may have just put the Winchesters above Heaven one too many times. None of them are going to heed my call. Everyone up there either outright hates me or is completely indifferent. Most would like it if someone killed me. So, unless you have another angel up your ass, it's got to be me."

"You know I only have one angel up my ass." Dean snarled, "Why is it always you? Someone needs to be possessed by Lucifer. Oh, let's make Castiel do it. Someone needs to go confront Metatron in Heaven? Let's have Cas do it. You know how many times I've watched you die?"

Castiel grabbed Dean but the collar of his flannel shirt and pull him close until their faces were an inch apart. "You did get killed by Metatron and came back a demon. We all make our sacrifices. I watched Rowena infuse a bomb in your chest and knew it would obliterate your soul. It almost killed me. I wanted to go with you. All this is is some god-damned grace. Now, shut up." Castiel kissed Dean angrily. Dean responded passionately. Castiel pushed Dean onto the bed.

A knock sounded on the door. Dean yelled, "Go away." The knock persisted. "I said go away."

Castiel stood up and angrily opened the door, "He said go…" He stopped as he saw it was Eileen. She looked scared, because of the sparkling blue in Castiel's eyes. Castiel took a deep breath and let the emotions filter out of him. Castiel took a deep breath, "My apologies, Eileen. Dean and I were fighting. Everything is ok now."

"Sam said he had the stuff ready to extract the grace, whenever you are ready."

Castiel glared at Dean still sprawled on the bed. "We'll continue this later." He followed Eileen to where Sam was waiting. Dean followed a moment later.

Castiel smiled at Sam as he walked into the medical room and sat in the chair. He looked at Dean before he leaned with his head back. "This is going to hurt, Dean. I might scream, but let Sam do it. He'll know when to stop. Don't hit your brother."

Dean gritted his teeth. The bruising had finally disappeared from Castiel that morning and now they were going to hurt him again. Eileen held Dean's hand, looking up at him reassuringly. Sam pushed the grace extractor into Castiel's neck, flinching at the pain in Castiel's eyes. Castiel grimaced and closed his eyes, trying not to make a sound.

Crowley said, "Well, doesn't that look like fun."

Dean growled, "Rowena, Crowley, get the hell out of here. We'll come out when we're done."

Eileen looked up at Dean. "Should I go watch them?"

Dean nodded. He walked over to Castiel and stroked the side of his face. "How much longer, Sam?"

"Just a little more and I think we'll have enough for the spell. You okay, Cas?"

"I'm fine and don't ask stupid questions, just get it done." Castiel said through gritted teeth. Unable to control himself, Castiel groaned loudly; his face wracked with pain.

Dean held his hand. "I'm here, buddy. I'm here."

Sam pulled the extractor out. "That should be enough, Cas. I'm so sorry." Sam looked distressed at causing Castiel so much pain. 

"We all do what we have to, Sam. Thank you for doing it instead of Rowena. I'm just going to lie here a while." 

After Sam left the room, Dean said softly, "Angel, on a score of 1 to 10 how bad does it hurt?"

"Probably an 11." Castiel grunted, while trying to sit up. "Take me to bed."

Dean put his arm around him, "Ok, but not exactly the way I wanted to." He helped Castiel to his room.

\------------------------

Lucifer returned to warehouse after travelling to locations around the world. He had watched Niagara Falls, visited the Himalayas, watched sunrise at Stonehenge, and marveled at all of things he hadn't seen in so long. He also visited parks and watched children play. In a female vessel, no one questioned his presence, which was good because had no interest in talking to people. He had spent a couple of days looking for Rowena, but couldn't find her. He had become more convinced that she was hiding in the Winchesters' bunker. He could visit Hell and torment Crowley a little bit, but he didn't want the demons to know what his vessel looked like yet. He wasn't afraid of them; he just didn't want to be annoyed by them. He was bored.

He wondered briefly what Mary was doing. The temptation overcame him, as he sought her out. As he entered her kitchen, he realized that the boys had aged. Sam was sitting in a high chair eating solid food. Dean looked several inches taller. He mused what would happen if she kept aging the boys, would she stop at some point? Or would she just see herself as old?

He watched invisibly as Mary was helping Dean do a simple math problem. The phone rang, and Mary stood and walked to the phone to answer it. Dean looked up at her, as she argued with John about not coming home until late. Dean slid out of his chair and walked over to Mary. After she angrily hung up the phone, Dean hugged her, "It’s okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I’ll never leave you."

Lucifer didn't realize at some point he became visible until Sammy looked at him and threw a handful of what looked like peas at him. Lucifer dodged them. "It's not easy to get me, Sammy. You know that."

Mary looked startled, "Oh, hi, Luc. I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"It's okay, Mary. I have family issues too." He paused. "I didn't have a mother. I had a Father who loved me, really loved me. But then he got new children, and I was forgotten and sent away. I was punished because what dad asked me to do for him, changed me. After a long time, he came back and we worked things out, only for him to dump me again as soon as he was done using me."

Mary looked at Luc sadly, and then shooed Dean off to the other room to play.

"John drinks. I think…I think he is having an affair."

Lucifer's eyebrows shot up. "John? An affair on you? But…" That didn't fit his perception of reality at all. He stared at Mary, wondering if she was adding this into her mental construct or if it was based on memories. Mary looked away with tears streaming down her cheeks. Lucifer wondered what he was supposed to do if he was human. He finally put his arms around her, "There, there, everything will be okay. Nothing bad will happen to you here. I won't let it. This is your safe place, Mary." Lucifer felt awkward holding her. He could understand disintegrating people, consoling them was a completely different matter. 

Mary looked up at him, hesitated for a moment, and kissed him. Lucifer froze in shock. He then backpedaled away from her, "Mary, we shouldn't…" He didn't think that would end well if he did things with his vessel.

Mary turned away and mumbled, "I'm sorry." She rushed out of the room.

Lucifer looked after her in bewilderment until he felt a tiny tug on his sleeve. He looked down to find Dean there glaring up at him with his hands on his hips. It was the same look Dean had given many times as an adult. "Did you make Mommy cry?"

Feeling a bit silly because he knew this Dean wasn't real, he knelt next to him. "No, your dad did. Dads that ignore their kids really suck, don't they?"

Dean mumbled something that Lucifer couldn't hear. "What was that?"

"I wish you were our dad." Dean looked at him, his bottom lip quivering.

Lucifer looked thoughtfully for a moment at Dean, "Sometimes, maybe I wish I were too." Lucifer pulled himself out of Mary's construct. As he looked around the warehouse, he knew he shouldn't do that again.

\-------

The next morning, Rowena started enchanting the various items for the transference spell. Castiel and Dean had yet to make an appearance that morning, but Sam was watching her with an eagle eye. Eileen sat with her back to the table, listening to Crowley tell her a story about his hellhound Juliet eating his slippers.

Rowena looked up at Sam, "In the interest of full disclosure, Samuel. I need to confess a wee bit of something to you."

Sam furrowed his brow, "What, Rowena?" He knew something dire was coming, because that was always her way. She would get everyone bought into the spell, and then lay an unpleasant surprise on them.

"Well, there is a small possibility that if Lucifer fights too hard, he could maybe, just a wee bit of chance really, of hurting the vessel he's in."

"What?"

"I said…"

Sam growled, "I know what you said. Why didn't you tell us this before we used Cas' grace. He can't heal my mom now if she gets hurt."

"Well, I just told you now. I just didn't want you to blame me if something unpleasant were to happen. Magic always has its risks. You know that, Samuel."

Sam shot her a murderous look. He tore up the stairs and into the garage. He jumped into the Impala and roared off. If anyone was going to be the vessel housing Lucifer before the transference, he wanted it to be him. He was used to fighting Lucifer. Mary wouldn't be able to stand against Lucifer; she hadn’t been hardened by years of torture.

\--------  
Dean entered the room, as Eileen yelled at Rowena. "What did you say to him?"

Dean looked between them. "Where's Sam? What happened?"

Eileen said, "She said something to Sam, and he took off. I had my back to her. I don't know what she said."

Castiel walked slowly into the room. He looked worse for the wear, but he was upright and moving. "Rowena?" he growled.

"Oh, you're so cute when you aren't as angely. Such poofy hair." Rowena smiled at Castiel. He tilted his head and looked at her through narrowed eyes.

Crowley spoke up, "All Mother did was tell Sam that your mother's body might be a causality of the transference spell." He looked bored at his glass of whiskey.

"What type of chance does this have of happening, Rowena, and why didn't you tell us?" Castiel snarled.

"It's the only spell we got. And most likely, it will work fine. It's just if Lucifer has his hooks in her extra hard, he might hurt her on the way out. "

A look of understanding crossed Dean's face. "Sam is going to try to take her place. He's going to deal with Lucifer."

Castiel responded, "We have to stop him."

Castiel, Dean, and Eileen headed for her car. 

\----------  
Sam drove to a hotel quickly. He knew Dean and Castiel would be on him quickly, it was only a matter of time. He hadn't removed the GPS from his phone or the tracker Dean kept on the Impala. He checked into the hotel. After securing the room, he knelt next to the bed and prayed, "Lucifer, if you come to me, I will say yes. No tricks. I only ask that you ensure my mother's safety and freedom."

Lucifer heard Sam's prayer and twitched. He enjoyed the exhilaration of Sam finally giving himself to him. He realized that there was still a high probability for a trap. The Winchesters weren't really known for keeping bargains. However, he could probably easily leave. They wouldn't want to damage their mother. He smiled and whispered to himself, "This is going to be fun."

Sam heard the rustling of feathers and looked up at his mother's face looking down at him. 

"Hi, Sammy. Heard you're looking for me." Lucifer smiled at Sam wickedly. Sam squirmed seeing Lucifer's expression on his mother's face. He looked down at the floor so he wouldn't have to watch his mother say Lucifer's words.

"You want me, Lucifer. You can have me if you'll let my mom walk away free and clear. No strings."

Lucifer smirked at Sam, "So, you'll become my little bitch if I let Mom go."

"I will."

Lucifer paused, put a finger under Sam's chin and growled, "Say it."

"What?" Sam whispered.

"You know what I'm asking for," Lucifer sneered.

Sam looked at Lucifer unflinching. "I'll be your little bitch if you let Mom go."

Lucifer squinted with Mary's eyes, as if he was considering it. He was smiling, with his hand on his chin. The expression was so Lucifer that it made Sam's skin crawl. Seconds passed.

"No deal, Sam."

Sam stood up, "What?"

Lucifer shrugged, "I promised your mother I wouldn't possess you. Do you want me to go against what your mother wishes were? I don't. Father taught me to respect authority, don't you know."

"Lucifer…"

Lucifer pursed his lips. "I promised Mary a few things -- I wouldn't kill you two and you pet angel unless you hunted me. So, don't hunt me. Have you noticed any big apocalyptic events? No. I'm not doing anything. If and when I do something, I'll be fair game." 

Sam looked at Lucifer pleadingly, "Please, just give Mom back. I'm your true vessel. " Lucifer met Sam's eyes. Lucifer flinched because they looked just like the eyes of the baby he once held in Mary's kitchen.

Lucifer's voice softened a little, "Sammy, your mom is happy and fine in her corner of my mind. She's safe. Stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours and she'll continue to be safe." Lucifer had to resist the urge to ruffle Sam's hair. 

At that moment, the door burst open and Castiel, Dean, and Eileen charged into the room. Lucifer said cheerfully at Dean, "Oh, look, the cavalry is here." He flung them against the wall and teleported away.

Eileen's head hit the nightstand next to the bed hard. While Castiel and Dean stood up, Eileen still laid motionless on the floor. Sam rushed to her side, "Guys."

Castiel pushed Sam aside and put his hand on her forehead. "She'll be fine, Sam. She has a concussion. I don't have enough grace to heal her right now. We should take her to the hospital to be on the safe side." Castiel picked Eileen up and carried her to the car. 

Dean looked at Sam, "What the hell was that? You were going to just transfer the problem so we have to save you instead of mom? You have more experience with dealing with him."

Castiel's irritated voice yelled from outside, "Stow your crap, both of you, and get in the car, or I'm leaving you behind."

Dean and Sam rushed to the car. Castiel slid over from the driver's seat so Dean could drive, while Sam got in the backseat with Eileen. At the hospital, they waited in the waiting room while the doctors assessed her condition. Sam paced back and forth, while Dean glared at him, tension radiating off of him.

A nurse came over to them. "Your friend is awake and asking for you."

Sam, Castiel, and Dean followed the nurse to the room Eileen was in. The doctor there smiled at them. "She's going to be fine. Small concussion. We are keeping her overnight as a precaution."

Eileen said, "I told him I was tough and could leave immediately, but he's not listening. I'm supposed to be the deaf one, not him."

The doctor smiled at her. "It's a safety precaution. Sometimes swelling can happen after the fact. So, please relax." The doctor left the room.

Dean stood next to her bed, "I'm glad you're ok, Eileen. Usually, Cas fixes my concussions for me." Dean reached down and hugged her briefly.

Castiel squeezed her hand, pushing as much grace as he could muster into her.

Sam said quietly, "Could you two go get her car and bring it back here?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam, "That depends? Are you going to do something else stupid while I'm gone?"

Sam glared at him, as he and Castiel left the room. Castiel was quiet next to Dean. When they got to the Impala, Dean climbed into the driver's seat. After Castiel got in, Dean said, "Shoot. You have something on your mind."

"I'm wondering why Lucifer didn't take him up on the offer. He would be more powerful in Sam, only marginally, but it would more. Sam is quite large and strong. Lucifer tends to prefer that type of vessel. Why would he not take him up on that offer?"

Dean started the engine and headed towards the hotel. "I don't know, Cas. How are we going to stop Sam from doing this again?"

"I don't know, Dean. I would offer to be Lucifer's vessel if I hadn't promised you I wouldn't do that to you. I could do it if you wanted, so you could have your Mom and Sam back."

Dean hit the brakes and pulled the car off to the side of the road. "Don't you ever make offers like that. I need you, Sam, and Mom. You are just as important as any of us. Don't you forget that. You're family." Dean pulled the car back out on the street.

"I didn't mean to distress you, Dean." Castiel reached over and rubbed Dean's thigh. "But I wouldn't be a Winchester if I didn't offer."

\------

After Castiel and Dean left, Sam pulled up a chair next to the bed. He kissed Eileen's hand. "I'm sorry you got hurt, Eileen. It's my fault for running."

"I don't blame you, Sam. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while."

Sam smiled at her sadly, "I really care about you, Eileen."

She looked at him confused, "I care about you, Sam. You're special."

He looked away for a moment. When he turned back, tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. "Eileen, I'm not taking you back to the bunker."

"Why? What did I do wrong?"

Sam closed his eyes, while tears streamed down his cheeks. "People I love die. I just can't do this, Eileen. I put you in the same room as the King of Hell and a witch. You run into a room with Lucifer in it. Regular hunting is dangerous, what Dean, Cas, and I do…it's more than that. It can only end one way and I don't want you to be a part of that." Sam leaned over and kissed Eileen. 

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. 

Sam stood up from the chair. "I'll ask Dean to text you where he parks your car. Goodbye, Eileen." Sam stood up and walked quickly at the door. 

He caught Castiel and Dean as they were entering the hospital. "Come on guys, let's go. Dean, text her where you parked the car."

After the three of them were in the Impala, Dean turned to Sam, "What the hell are we doing?"

"I'm letting her go. When we choose this life, we knew anyone who gets too close eventually gets hurt. Or worse. So I'll let her go. She’ll be safer that way."

Castiel started, "But Sam…"

"Dean, remember when you said if I ever mentioned Lisa or Ben again you'd punch me in the face? This is that moment for me."

Castiel started again, "Sam."

Dean put his hand on Castiel's leg. "Let it go, Cas. Just let it go."

Castiel frowned at Dean, but shut up as they returned to the bunker.

\-------------------------

Lucifer entered Mary's kitchen. Mary wasn't there. He glanced around to find her taking a nap on the couch, Dean was nestled up beside her.

Sammy started to stir in his bed. Lucifer smiled. He looked over at Mary. He then picked up the baby and went to the kitchen. "Hi there, Sammy." He poured milk into a sippy cup and sat at the table with Sammy on his lap. "I saw you today, Sammy. All grown up and fierce. So willing to say no all those times, even when Dean might die. But for his mom, he was willing to do anything."

The baby picked up the sippy cup and drank clumsily. "I wonder how fast she'll have you walking. Could be tomorrow?"

Mary entered the room. "Luc?"

"Sorry, Mary, you look so relaxed napping, that I thought I would try to keep Sammy here quiet for you. He loves his mother."

She smiled, "And I love my sons. I'd do anything for them." She hesitated. "Luc, about the last time you were here…"

"You wouldn't have done that if you knew the real me, Mary."

"You've been nothing but kind to me," she protested.

"Not really. You don't remember what I'm capable of. What I do. I'm not nice, Mary." Sammy squirmed in his lap. Lucifer hugged him gently. Lucifer looked at Mary, "He's special. He's one of a kind. Unique. How can you protect him?"

"You said, you would. I would be safe here."

"What if I end up being the thing you need to protect him from?"

Mary looked at him with wide eyes. "Then angels will watch over us. An angel."

"Angels are soldiers, not cherubs with fluffy wings. They're taught to kill, to fight, to not care, and when they love too much, they are punished for it."

Lucifer handed Sammy gently to her. He stood up.

"Not Castiel," Mary whispered. "He'll always watch over Sam and Dean."

Lucifer turned to her. She looked confused, like memory fragments were reforming. Lucifer snarled, "You know what he lost for them? His family. His wings. His home. His peace. His purpose. He was ripped to shreds and sewed back together into a patchwork quilt. He's broken and fell in every way imaginable. Because he loved them more then Heaven. You know why I was punished? I loved God more than men. Both of us were punished because we loved things too much."

Tears were flowing down Mary's face. Lucifer paused. Sammy started to cry as he sensed his mother's distress. Lucifer shook his head for a moment, his hands trembled. Then he knelt next to Mary and put his arms around her and Sammy, "I'm sorry, Mary. I'm sorry. You are safe here. I'm just in a bad mood. Sam and Dean will always have an angel looking out for them." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "It just won't be me."


	13. Goodbye to You

After they arrived back at the bunker, Sam stormed into the kitchen ignoring Crowley and Rowena. 

Rowena said sweetly, "Did the moose have a bad day?"

Dean glared at her, "Shut up, Rowena."

Rowena sniffed the air, haughtily. "Good night then." She stalked off to her own room.

Crowley just sat in the corner, drinking his ever-present glass of whiskey.

Dean took Castiel aside in the hallway. "I'm sorry to ask you to do this again, Cas, but…" Dean looked at Cas concerned.

"I have to watch Crowley again. Yay, me." Castiel looked resigned. "Can I smite him if he doesn't shut up?"

"As soon as this is over, we'll kick his sorry ass out of the bunker and keep him out." Dean squeezed Castiel's hand.

"Ok, Dean."

Dean pulled him close and kissed him, pouring all of his emotion into the kiss. "Cas, when all of this is over, and Mom is safe back home, I'm going to take you somewhere and we aren't going to get out of bed for a week. Maybe, a month."

Castiel squinted at him, "I'm not sure that would be good for you, Dean. You'd have to still exercise, eat, shower, and…"

"How are you both the wisest and most obtuse guy I know at the same time?" Dean looked at him.

"Oh, by bed, you didn't mean literally. You meant…" Castiel licked his lips. 

"And folks, we have a winner!" 

Castiel smiled fondly at him and turned, "Good night, Dean."

Castiel walked down the hallway, when he noticed the light in the kitchen on. He looked in to see Sam sitting at the table with a half-drank bottle of whiskey in front of him. "Taking up Dean's bad habits I see." Castiel walked over and put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. You were right. Never shoulda invited her here."

"Sam, when this is over, Hell is pretty stable with Crowley. Heaven is rebuilding itself. Maybe, you could…" 

Sam interrupted, "No, you were right the first time. Just need you and Dean. All I need."

"If you love her…"

"I don't. I could. But I don't yet. Not the way I felt about Jess. You would have liked Jess, Cas. Maybe, someday I could love her like that if I let myself. But I can't… " Sam's eyes became unfocused.

Castiel pulled Sam out of the chair. "You've had enough, Sam. Let's get you to bed." Sam leaned on Castiel heavily as he helped him to his room. Castiel pushed him into the bed and then removed his boots. Castiel covered Sam with a blanket. "Sam, I'll always be here for you, you know. You'll always have me." Sam was already snoring. Castiel kissed Sam's forehead and left the room.

Castiel walked out to the library, where Crowley was reading a book. 

"There you are, Feathers. Was just about ready to send out a search party for you. I so enjoy our evenings together. Together again."

Castiel sighed and sat down. "Yippee." He stifled a yawn. 

Crowley looked at him as he decided something. He poured Castiel a drink. "Drink up, Castiel. It will make the night more bearable."

\------

Dean walked into the library the next morning to find Rowena staring at Castiel. He was asleep with his tie tied around his head, his trench coat on backwards, and a mustache drawn with a marker on his face. "Seriously?" he glared at Rowena. "A sleep spell?"

"It wasn't me, Dean. Fergus is gone. I think he's the one that decorated your angel. I did take a couple of pictures through. I think he might have had a wee too much whiskey."

Dean pulled the tie off Castiel's head. He used it to try to rub the marker mustache off his face, but to no avail. Castiel opened his eyes. He croaked, "Dean, there are two of you."

"How much did you drink?"

"Just two bottles. You drink six." Castiel blinked at Rowena. "Her hair is the same color as Anna's. You ever noticed that. Or as Abaddon's. Why do redheads cause so much trouble? Charley had red hair, but she was nice."

"Ok, buddy, two bottles of whiskey contain a lot more alcohol than six bottles of beer. Where the hell did Crowley go?"

Castiel sat up straight, "Crowley is gone?" He blinked several times and shook his head, as if clearing cobwebs.

"New rule - when you are low on grace, you aren't allowed to drink." Dean sighed. "Rowena, where do you think he'd go?"

"How would I bloody know? Fergus does what he wants. But we've got all the spells now. Maybe he's gone to get the last thing we need."

Dean tensed up. "What?"

"The person to kill."

Sam staggered into the library. He winced as if he had a headache from the brighter lights in the library. He looked at Castiel confused, "What happened to Cas?"

Dean threw up his hands in the air exasperated. "Are you hung over too? Great day to face Lucifer."

\------ 

They waited several hours impatiently. Dean paced the floor, looking at his phone every few minutes. He texted Crowley twice with no response. Suddenly, Crowley popped into the middle of the room. "Hello, boys. Are you ready? Grab your bag, Mother. Let's go. Hurry up."

Crowley wanted to teleport them into a warehouse, but since it was close, Dean insisted upon driving. When they entered, they saw body of a middle-aged man lying on the floor. "A spell is keeping the body alive. I figured you boys couldn't handle the actual killing part. I assure you, I released the contract on his soul and it went to Heaven."

"What did he sell his soul for?" Dean asked warily.

"Bruce is kind of a tragic case you see. A man murdered his daughter but got off a legal technicality. You should always do your paperwork exactly to specifications. I've tried to teach you boys that for many years. Anyway, he sold his soul if I had the murderer taken care of. A good thing too, he was stalking another young girl. Bruce's time was up in two weeks. Now, his soul is up in Heaven with his daughter instead. See, I'm not all bad?"

Dean growled, "Why did you get Cas drunk?"

"It was fun. He doesn't know how much to drink when he's virtually human. Slipped him a bit much and got him out of his constant state of angelic constipation. Don't worry. I didn't defile him, but I did bloody kiss him." Crowley smiled. He pulled out his phone and showed a bewildered Castiel being kissed by Crowley. "Don't worry I didn't touch him in any naughty spots, and we didn't make any deals."

Castiel gave Crowley a blistering glare. "If I had my grace, I would smite you."

"Lucky me, then. Lighten up, Feathers. I have a spell to cast. By the way, Dean, I just forwarded that picture to both of your phones and the moose's. You can treasure it always." Dean sighed at him exasperated.

Dean and Sam put two rings of holy oil on the floor. They moved the body into one of the rings and made additional wards to try to hold Lucifer in place. Castiel stood close to the circle containing the body with his angel blade drawn. 

As Crowley started to cast the summoning spell, Sam and Dean lit the circles of holy oil. They stood at alert, waiting for Lucifer to appear. 

 

\-------

Lucifer sat leaning against the wall of the warehouse. "Oh, come on, dumb and dumber. How long am I going to have to wait around wasting time." He no longer wanted to check on Mary. He just wanted it to be over. He knew from seeing Castiel that they were using his grace for some spell. 

He started pacing the floor. "Now, if I was the King of Hell or a witch, how long would it take me to cast a stupid summoning spell? Really, Hell, you could do so much better. It's not rocket science." He felt the strange sensation of being summoned. "Now, we're talking. Oh boy, am I psyched." He could break it if he really wanted to but didn't.

As he appeared in the circle of holy oil, he exclaimed "Oh, Crowley, back to our old tricks again. Good puppy."

Crowley glared at him, while Rowena started the transference spell. To their surprise, Lucifer laid down in the circle, positioning Mary's body carefully and comfortably.

He looked at Dean and smiled, "I'll be right with you. Just give me a moment. Hurry up, Rowena." Lucifer winked at Sam.

\------

Lucifer entered the kitchen quickly. He startled Mary, and she dropped the pie she was getting out of the oven. Dean looked at the pie in distress.

"Mary, I only have a minute. Come here."

Lucifer wrapped his arms around her. "Don't be sad. What happened here will eventually seem like a dream. It's ok. I'll be ok. I just wanted to say thank you." He kissed her cheek. "They won't ever appreciate it, but tell your boys… I'm proud of them. Of who they are and who they become. Castiel too."

"Luc…"

He rushed to hug Dean one last time and then headed to Sammy's crib. He leaned over and kissed Sammy's forehead. "You are a stubborn little bastard, you know that?"

He turned to look at Mary again. "I lo…"

\------

Mary's eyes flew open. She looked at Sam, "Sam?"

Joy overflowed Sam's face, "Mom?"

She glanced around the room wildly. Her eyes fell on the prone figure in the other ring of holy oil. "Is Lucifer in there?" She gestured towards the body. She stood up and stepped out of the holy oil. 

Sam looked at her reassuringly, "It's okay, Mom. He won't hurt you again."

Dean called, "Now, cast the spell to send his ass back to hell before he wakes up."

As Rowena started the spell, Mary pushed her away from the table with the ingredients on it. "No."

"Mom, she needs to cast the spell to send Lucifer back to the cage," Sam pulled his mother away from Rowena.

"He doesn't deserve that. He isn't all bad."

Sam looked at his mother in shock, "He's Lucifer. He is the definition of evil. The things he has done to our family, to the world. He needs to go back."

Mary screamed, "No," as Rowena restarted the spell.

Crowley watched as Lucifer's new vessel stirred, "He's waking up. Quickly, Mother."

Castiel stood next to Dean, his angel blade drawn. His eyes were focused on the prone figure. Lucifer started to push himself up. 

Mary twisted Sam's arm and spent him sprawling to the ground. "I tell you; he is redeemable. He's changed. He is proud of you two."

Crowley headed towards Mary, as she moved to disrupt Rowena again.

Dean growled, "Mom, it's friggin' Lucifer. Satan. The devil. The root of all evil."

Lucifer sat up slowly. Rowena kept working on the spell, as Crowley pulled Mary away from Rowena. Mary kicked out, connecting with Rowena in the midsection. Rowena doubled over in pain, grunting. 

Lucifer called out calmly from the ring of holy oil that burned around him. "Mary, they're right. Stop."

Mary went still, "You changed."

Lucifer stamped his foot and the holy oil fire started to diminish around him. Castiel went running at him, with his blade drawn. Lucifer gave a bored look, and flung Castiel into Dean, taking both of them down. "Castiel, you are so predictable. We do this dance, and the same thing happens every time. When are you going to learn some new dance steps?"

Rowena started the chant again. Lucifer made no move to stop her.

Lucifer locked eyes with Mary, "It's better this way. Yeah, maybe I changed a little bit, for a little while. But I'll change back again. It's who I am, it's what I am. The world is safer, you are safer, if I'm locked away."

For once, Crowley was speechless. He stood there with his jaw hanging open with a look of confusion etched across his features.

"Luc, you don't have to do this," Mary looked at him imploring.

"My name is Lucifer. It's better that you never forget that. If there was one thing I ever cared about in humanity, it's you. But the leopard won't change his spots. I might be nice for a few days, maybe a few decades. But, it won't last."

As Rowena finished off the spell, a glowing light surrounded Lucifer. "Goodbye, Mary. Michael and I can go another few rounds against each other again." He winked one final time at Mary, and then he was gone.

Mary started crying. Sam looked at her befuddled, "Mom, we saved you. He was possessing you." Sam stood up and wrapped his arms around his mother. "He played with your mind."

Mary didn't bother to try to explain. She just buried her face in Sam's chest, continuing to cry.

Castiel stood up with a perplexed look. "He let himself be caged." He glanced at Dean. "I do not understand. He could have stopped us. Could he have been redeemed? Did he change?" Castiel stared at the location where Lucifer had been standing at.

"Good riddance," Dean shrugged. Mary started sobbing harder.

"No, Dean. If my Brother could have been saved, I should have saved him. I thought he was irredeemable." Castiel gave a pained, wondering look.

Crowley rolled his eyes, "Now, it's time for the Winchester / Choir Boy guilt hour brought to you by Electrolux. Roll the credits. Mother, do you need a lift somewhere?"

"Aye, Fergus. If you drop me off in Boca, I'd be most appreciative. I'm retiring from all this nasty business. If Lucifer gets out again, you all are on your own. And next time that one," she gestured towards Mary, "kicks me, I'll turn her into a frog and her sons into an actual moose and squirrel." She sniffed the air, haughtily. After gathering up the remaining spell ingredients, Crowley and Rowena disappeared.

Sam held Mary, rocking her gently back and forth. "It's ok, Mom. It's ok."

When they got home, Mary went straight to her room. Dean went to the kitchen, pulled out three beers, and joined Castiel and Sam at the library table. "What the hell was that?" Dean looked between Sam and Castiel.

"Stockholm syndrome, maybe?" Sam suggested.

Castiel took the beer that Dean offered him. "There was something different about my Brother. I still believe the cage is the best place for him. I can't help but wonder if Mary changed the way he looked at the world. You two made me change. I was once a dick like the other angels, void of compassion and emotion."

Sam snickered, "Yeah, you definitely changed for the better. You freaked me out at first. All righteous, going on about destiny."

Castiel smiled wryly, "Yeah, well you were addicted to demon blood."

Dean put his feet up on the table. "He himself said he couldn't change forever. No reason to be morose, Cas. We'll help Mom get over whatever he did to her. She'll be okay, eventually."

Castiel nodded, "It takes a while to get the Lucifer taint off you. I still feel it at the odd moment."

"It's been years since I was possessed by Lucifer and I still feel the stink." Sam took a long draw on his beer. "It's just something you don't forget. Dean, you realize you are the only one in the family that hasn't been possessed by Lucifer."

"Let's keep it that way." Dean grinned. "I'm just a product of good, healthy living."

Sam snorted, "Sure, Deanmon. You are a 'mark' of good, healthy living."

Dean nodded, "We all pretty much suck. Well, I'm going to take a shower." He winked at Castiel, "Come join me if you want." Dean strode off cockily. Castiel watched his rear, as he left the room.

Castiel looked at Sam and said quietly, "Sam, I'm sorry about Eileen."

Sam stared at the table. "You were right. Being with us would get her killed. I get that, Cas. I just wish it didn't have to be that way."

"Maybe, that won't always be true. We could try to find a route out of this life, Sam."

"It would be nice, Cas. But probably it's a pipe dream, but who knows. Maybe, someday all the angels and demons will go back to their corners permanently. I think we are more likely to be transported to a dinosaur alternate universe and have to fight Godzilla, but who knows."

Castiel looked at him sadly. "I wish…"

"I love you, Cas. You know that. Best thing you can do for me is to make my brother ecstatically happy. He deserves that and you." Sam gave Castiel a gentle smile.

Castiel stood up. He leaned over and kissed Sam's forehead. Sam looked at him gratefully and squeezed Castiel's hand a moment. "Good night, Sam."

"Night, Cas. Go make out with my brother in the shower, just please don't be too noisy. You'll scar me for life."

\-------

Lucifer sat in the cage across from Michael. Michael had gotten the worse for the wear over the years and had retreated into himself so long ago, Lucifer didn't even know if he could hear him anymore. Lucifer had no doubt which way the title fight would have gone if they had been able to complete it.

He cleared his voice. "So, Michael. I saw Dad. The flannel-covered lug heads let out Auntie Amara, and we had to fight to get her to behave herself. But she and Dad rode off into the sunset together, holding hands, and singing the Barney song. I love you, you love me, we are one great big dysfunctional family…"

Michael didn't respond, still rocking back and forth in his corner of the cage.

"He asked about you. Well, actually he didn't. He briefly thought about you for maybe a millisecond, decided it would take too long to heal you, so he just left you here."

Michael flinched a tiny bit. 

"I met a girl, Mikey. She actually loved her kids. Would do anything for them. Showed me there are unselfish things in the world. You would have liked her. Well, actually, you wouldn't because you thought all men were like hairless apes. You didn't love them anymore than I did; you just lied to yourself and Dad."

Michael turned to face him slightly.

"You're actually listening, Mikey. Good boy. This girl gave me a heart, when she showed me her soul."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! Don't put away the remote yet! There's an epilogue coming!
> 
> Just a note. This is the first story I've ever written linearly and posted as I went along. Usually, I write the whole 'novel,' and edit and revise endlessly until I'm done before the first chapter is ever posted. Most of the time I write the ending first, and then work backwards. However, just once I wanted to post a fiction a chapter at a time as I wrote it. Never again! My brain just doesn't work that way. When I started the story as just a glimmer of an idea of what would happen if Castiel and Sam turned to each other if they thought Dean was dead, I had no idea that it would sort of turn into a redemption kind of arc thing for Lucifer. Not a clue -- no idea where I made the wrong turn. It's not where I expected to be 40k words later. When I originally wrote the chapter where Lucifer possesses Mary, I had him possess Castiel instead. I thought the story would be Dean trying to get Cas back after finally confessing his feelings to him. My significant other is like, "That's been done a million times before... You should have him possess Mary instead." And I went..."Hmmmm..." And thus, you got this mess.
> 
> Pardon me if the plot didn't flow well. It's sort of an experiment gone awry. I hope if you got this far, you at least liked it a little :).
> 
> Now, look for the epilogue, coming soon!!!! Well, not really soon, but soonish. Sooner more than later. Ok, you'll get it this weekend I think. No pressure at all.


	14. Epilogue

Six Months Later

Dean, Castiel, and Sam were tracking a pack of werewolves in Wisconsin. Since Lucifer had been caged again, everything had been relatively quiet. The trio had normal hunts to do, but there had been no sign of demon or angel activity in the intervening months. Castiel and Dean were exploring a cave that they thought the werewolves might be holed up in, while Sam watched the entrance.

After a loud crash in the cave, Sam called to them from the top, "You two ok?"

"Yeah, Sam, Cas was just a little extra smity on one of them and caused a slight cave in. We'll be out in a few minutes."

Sam sighed in relief and turned around to find himself face to face with the largest werewolf from the pack they were hunting. Sam tried to raise his gun fast enough, but the werewolf clawed his face. Sam stumbled backwards, losing his grip on the gun. The werewolf was on top of him, clawing and starting to rip at Sam's neck. The sound of a sudden shot echoed, and the werewolf collapsed on Sam.

Sam pushed the werewolf off and staggered up. "Thanks, De…" He stopped. Dean hadn't come out of the cave. Instead about fifteen yards away was Eileen starting intently at Sam. Time stood still for a moment as their eyes locked together.

Sam whispered, "Eileen."

Eileen walked quickly towards Sam. Sam held his arms opened, but Eileen instead punched him in the face. Sam could feel his nose crunching under her fist and stumbled backwards.

She shouted at him, "You don't get to decide whether something is safe enough for me to be there. I decide that. You almost got taken down on one of those 'easy' hunts that my 'kind' can handle. You think you are so much better than us because you faced Lucifer. You don't get to decide on where I go, Sam."

Dean and Castiel arrived at the entrance of the cave right then.

Sam looked up at Eileen, blood was running down his nose where she punched him, from claw marks across his chest, and from his neck. 

Castiel moved to where Eileen could see him talk. "Can I heal him now or do you want to hit him some more first?"

Eileen glared at Sam, "You can heal him." She turned around to walk away. She looked at Dean. "I took care of the three outside the cave. Did you take care of the other three?"

Dean nodded, "That would account for all of them. You're awesome, Eileen."

"Tell that to your stupid brother." She started to stomp off, kicking a rock as she left.

Dean looked between Eileen and Sam. "Go after her."

"Dean, the life we lead…" Sam started.

"Is a fucking boring one if you do it alone. Go after her." Castiel snarled.

Sam looked at Castiel, "You're the one that told me not to drag her into this life…"

Castiel exploded, "I was wrong. Go after her, Sam. You love her. Go apologize. I wasted years with Dean because I wouldn't take a chance. Go take your chance."

Sam looked at Eileen's figure about to disappear behind some trees. He started jogging after her.

Dean pulled Castiel close, "It wasn't a waste." Dean kissed Castiel soundly. "We saved the world a lot."

"Yes, but we could have doing it while great sex at the same time," Castiel breathed into his ear.

Dean shrugged, "True that."

\-----

When Sam caught up with Eileen, he placed a hand on her arm. She shrugged him off and continued to walk. Sam broke into a run, so he could get ahead of her and signed, "Please, stop."

Eileen stopped. "What now?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I care a lot about you, and I'm sorry."

"Sorry and four dollars can get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks." She started to walk again.

"Forgive me and let's start over."

She stopped again. "You know how it felt when you said I wasn't good enough to go on hunts. Like all the other times people told me I couldn't do something because I was deaf. I'm a good hunter. And I should get to decide what risks I'm willing to take."

"You're right. I was scared. Partially, I was scared that you would get hurt. But partially, I was scared on how I would feel if you got hurt. When Cas and I climbed that mountain when we thought Dean was dead, I was messed up, but Cas was devastated. He wanted to die with Dean. If not for the responsibility of taking care of me, he probably would have. Then, Mom was taken by Lucifer. Then, you got hurt…" Sam looked away.

Eileen reached out a hand and pulled Sam to face her again. "There are no guarantees in life. You're a big doofus who almost let a werewolf eat you."

"Can we start over?" Sam asked hesitantly.

Eileen's eyes narrowed. "Will you let me decide for myself what is too dangerous for me to handle? Will you tell me not to come back again?"

Sam looked at her with conviction, "I will never tell you not to come back again. If you decide to try to go toe to toe with Lucifer, I'll tell you it's a dumb idea. But it's a dumb idea if I do it too. I won't try to hold you back from hunting anything that I hunt."

"Then, we can start again."

He held out a hand to shake hers, "I'm Sam Winchester. I hunt monsters. My brother is Dean, and my best friend is an angel named Castiel. My mother is Mary. Sometimes, I'm an idiot, but usually not as bad as Dean. I have this crush on this girl. She forgave me for being a dumbass and said we could start again."

She laughed, "Not that much over." She stood on her toes and kissed Sam. He wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you," Sam whispered into her ear. 

Dean called out as he and Castiel entered the clearing where Sam and Eileen were standing, "She's deaf, Sam. It doesn't count unless she knows you said it."

Sam glared at Dean. He pulled back from Eileen, so she could see his face. "I love you."

She looked up at him and said, "I know."

Dean elbowed Castiel, "She totally Han Soloed him. Did you see that? Totally."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dean."

Sam looked at Dean and Castiel. "You guys ride back together. I'm going to hang out with Eileen."

Dean smirked, "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Sam glared at Dean, "Bitch."

"Jerk." Dean intertwined his fingers with Castiel's. "Let's go to that hotel in Madison with the king bed with Magic Fingers?"

Castiel nodded, "That seems agreeable." When they were out of earshot of Sam, he murmured, "I get the top this time."

\--------

Mary wiped her blade on her jeans after she killed the vampire. She knew the boys didn’t like that she hunted alone, but it's what she preferred. Driving in her Mustang on the dark roadways of America is what she knew. Once upon a time, she thought she could have a normal life. She had left hunting behind. She now knew that you can never leave it behind. There was only one way it ended, bloody.

She pulled out her phone when it buzzed to indicate that she had a text message. She looked at her phone and swiped Dean's name to see the message. The phone displayed a picture of Sam with his arms around Eileen. She smiled. She hoped that being with a hunter would make Sam happy until one of them reached their inevitable, tragic end. However, her boys were pretty durable. An angel was watching over them.

She threw her blade in the trunk and then slid in the driver's seat. She turned on the car. She paused, remembering a time when she thought there were possibilities. She knew it wasn't real, but for a while she was happy. She had her two young sons and a man who put them above everything else. She punched the accelerator and sped to where she knew a ghost needed to be taken care of in Minneapolis. 

\--------

In a dark cell, Lucifer sat in the corner with his eyes closed. Michael was back in the corner rocking back and forth, whimpering. Lucifer muttered, "Stop it, Mikey."

He closed his eyes. He meditated and retreated mentally into a sunny kitchen, remembering the scent of a baby, the sounds of a little boy imitating the roar of a '67 Impala, and a woman who put her children above everything else. He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam needed to finally catch a break, thus the epilogue.
> 
> Thank you for reading my experiment in creating a story without an outline by writing a chapter and posting it before writing the next chapter. It has been an educational experience for me! (Mostly, on trying to cover plot holes that you introduce and fix them without going back and retconning previous chapters.) This is the result of a month of my writing life gone :P.
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed it some. And no! We aren't going to rescue Lucifer from the cage! It's better that way. He's kinda, sorta evil, and he killed Cas twice.


End file.
